Cosmo writing about Brain Science. Now there is an unlikely couple. Proof positive that the cutting edge of love self sabotage research today is finding the most misunderstood sexual organ of all...your Brain.
Nothing happens without your brain's permission. However, this is as far away from logic, reason and thought as you can possibly imagine. Few would argue that the brain is in charge of forming thoughts, intentions and affirmations. What if I were to tell you that all of the above are a waste of your time and your brain's skill.
As Dr. Loriann Brizendine author of The Female Brain and The Male Brain, reports in Cosmo, the brain chemistry of stress is a good example.
The automatic stress reaction in women in terms of the brain, is to light up the area that relates to people. Wouldn't you just know it. The same stress reaction in a man makes his brain light up the run for cover area. It may be unfair, but at the time you need to relate, he needs to retreat. Ouch. No wonder so many relationships get sabotaged before they have a chance to work!
The purpose of your brain in love is to release the combination of chemicals that will turn you on to someone and then keep you bonded to one another. This Love Chemical Cocktail, as Dr. Brit Brogaard and I call this intoxicating experience, runs the show on a far deeper level than your thoughts. If you understand that a man's withdrawal from you is a real state brought on by his brain chemistry, you will not feel so rejected and you can keep your self sabotage from controlling you.
The release of the neurotransmitters, hormones and other natural chemicals in response to love and heartbreak is built deeply into the oldest part of your brain. There is no talking yourself into or out of anything when you are in the crazy state of mind produced by too much of a good thing.
For some women, the effect of that first Lovesick Chemical Cocktail lingers for years longer than their happier peers. Some women take an emotional hit and suffer for a few weeks or months, but then move on. Others are literally haunted by the traumatizing parts of their past.
If the traditional ways of getting over heart break, cognitive therapy, coaching, counseling, journaling or talking to friends isn't working, you may need to look at the Love Chemical Cocktail for your answer.
There is good news. Your brain is an expert at producing the panic inducing..."OMG, I can't date a man like that!" reaction in you. Your deal breakers are your clues. Did you ever wonder why men under 6 feet are a turn off? Ever wonder why facial hair makes your cringe? These frivolous deal-breakers are the key to your sabotage pattern.
Your reaction to unappealing men shows you that a Lovesick Chemical Cocktail raced through your body, sometime between the age of 11 and 16. At that time, this inner tsunami scared you deeply. Your instincts, which worked exactly how they are designed to work, caused you to recoil strongly from the whole experience.