The cutting edge of brain research helps you find love. And it's in Cosmo!
Cosmo writing about Brain Science. Now there is an unlikely couple. Proof positive that the cutting edge of love self sabotage research today is finding the most misunderstood sexual organ of all...your Brain.
Nothing happens without your brain's permission. However, this is as far away from logic, reason and thought as you can possibly imagine. Few would argue that the brain is in charge of forming thoughts, intentions and affirmations. What if I were to tell you that all of the above are a waste of your time and your brain's skill.
As Dr. Loriann Brizendine author of The Female Brain and The Male Brain, reports in Cosmo, the brain chemistry of stress is a good example.
The automatic stress reaction in women in terms of the brain, is to light up the area that relates to people. Wouldn't you just know it. The same stress reaction in a man makes his brain light up the run for cover area. It may be unfair, but at the time you need to relate, he needs to retreat. Ouch. No wonder so many relationships get sabotaged before they have a chance to work!
The purpose of your brain in love is to release the combination of chemicals that will turn you on to someone and then keep you bonded to one another. This Love Chemical Cocktail, as Dr. Brit Brogaard and I call this intoxicating experience, runs the show on a far deeper level than your thoughts. If you understand that a man's withdrawal from you is a real state brought on by his brain chemistry, you will not feel so rejected and you can keep your self sabotage from controlling you.
The release of the neurotransmitters, hormones and other natural chemicals in response to love and heartbreak is built deeply into the oldest part of your brain. There is no talking yourself into or out of anything when you are in the crazy state of mind produced by too much of a good thing.
For some women, the effect of that first Lovesick Chemical Cocktail lingers for years longer than their happier peers. Some women take an emotional hit and suffer for a few weeks or months, but then move on. Others are literally haunted by the traumatizing parts of their past.
If the traditional ways of getting over heart break, cognitive therapy, coaching, counseling, journaling or talking to friends isn't working, you may need to look at the Love Chemical Cocktail for your answer.
There is good news. Your brain is an expert at producing the panic inducing..."OMG, I can't date a man like that!" reaction in you. Your deal breakers are your clues. Did you ever wonder why men under 6 feet are a turn off? Ever wonder why facial hair makes your cringe? These frivolous deal-breakers are the key to your sabotage pattern.
Your reaction to unappealing men shows you that a Lovesick Chemical Cocktail raced through your body, sometime between the age of 11 and 16. At that time, this inner tsunami scared you deeply. Your instincts, which worked exactly how they are designed to work, caused you to recoil strongly from the whole experience.
Like bookmarking a site on your computer, there was a marker thrown down within the folds of your mind. This marker, "Never Again", is solid as a rock. Based in the old fight or flight pattern and chemistry, in order to keep you safe, your inner guidance system will guide you away from things that could feel like that again.
So what is the good news? The good news is that you also have access to the Brain Soothing chemicals that will dissolve that marker. The brain is a flexible organ. Your brain is willing and able to change itself. It will follow your commands, after all it is your brain.
Dr. Berit Brogaard, Associate Professor of Philosophy and Psychology at The University of Missouri-St. Louis is developing the solution. Dr. Brit and I are writing a book to teach women how to dissolve the emotional markers in the brain's chemistry factory.
You can get a fresh start on love. Here are three quick steps that will turn on the brain soothing chemicals that soften your emotional barriers to love and melt your self sabotage for good.
1. Get Outside: Breathing fresh air under the open sky is the quickest way to refresh yourself into well-being. Admit it, you aren't getting nearly enough exercise. Yes, you know there are endorphins in exercise, but where is the motivation? To believe in love, you need to change your brain's reactions. Being outside refreshes the brain. Commit for one week to spend time outside every day. Not on your way to the garage, I mean choosing to be outside for no other reason, just to be outside.
2. Take a Hot Bath: Get some sea salt and make a nice warm bath. Add a tea bag of chamomile tea and/or a few drops of lavender oil. Breathe deeply and practice relaxing your body. If you don't have a tub, take a shower and stand still under the running water. Humans love water. We forget how soothing it is. Now we know the reason it is soothing is because it triggers the release of the brain's feel good chemical factory.
3. Talk To Someone: Maybe you are feeling a bit isolated right now and there is no one to talk to. Accept that without whining and choose to find some one. Go through your phone contacts and see who pops up. Sure You are the one who needs to talk, but, simply connecting with an old friend will light up the factory. Let your friend catch you up with herself. If she asks how you are, fill her in with the Cliff Notes Version, but hold her as your focus.
If Cosmo, the hot bed of the latest on sex and romance, headlines a connection with brain science and sabotage, there has to be something to it. Who would ever think that geeky science types would be featured in the pages of Cosmo! It is a good article, by the way, pick it up if you get the chance!
Catherine Behan, CEO of Attract Your Soul Mate Now.com, has a magical touch when it comes to Finding Love. A leading authority in the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and the Law of Attraction, she has helped hundreds of people discover the truth about themselves....That even though they may feel unloved, they are not unloveable. An Expert in self-sabotage and magnet to long time singles world wide, Catherine delights in helping those disappointed in love to get over it and get back out there. Curious about YOUR Love Magnet? Http://TakeTheSoulMateQuiz.com and see how strong your love vibe is today!