"I am not going to change just to get a man. Its not fair and I wont do it."
This red hot red head sat across from me in the airport bar lighting up her Salem. You could see the strain of a life time of disappointment creasing her crows feet.
"I am who I am and if people can't get it....too bad."
Hello Rapunzel. Tower tall enough for you?
This exact conversation has happened hundreds of times in one version or another. For the Rapunzels of the world, life has been more intense than for her sister Saboteurs, Snow White and Scarlett O'Hara. Many of them are still looking for soul satisfying love but are unwilling to change their point of view.
What do you think? Should you have to change to get something you want? A sense of dissatisfaction can eat away at Rapunzel. In my experience, people are wanting something all of the time. Once one dream comes true, another is born, right? Once you get your man you'll be wanting to manifest a new car, career, home...you know how life is.
I am a big Bethenny Frankel fan. She is a role model Rapunzel. She is as oppositional as any red blooded Rapunzel out there and yet she has surrounded herself with a team of people who get her and love her in spite of her strong nature.
I find that particularly endearing. When I watch Bethenny in her therapist's office and see the aha's that come with his gentle questioning, it moves me to see her soften and adjust herself to another perspective on her life.
Sure you feel the hurt and disappointment brought on by years of not fitting in anywhere. How could you not, it is painful to be misunderstood and misinterpreted. Bethenny spoke about her in-laws in the season finale of Bethenny Everafter and told the story in honest and celebratory language.
She said that Jason's family had been together in a nuclear unit for 40 years before she came around and of course it was awkward. "You have to adjust" she claimed confidently, "everyone just has to adjust."
She went on to warmly embrace her in-laws and you can see that she is more comfortable with the habits and behaviors that used to make her crazy. She adjusted and got used to certain aspects of people very different from her. She took on a different perception of the way they behave when they are expressing love.
Many Rapunzels have never experienced real love. For most of their lives, love has been married to pain. Feeling dismissed or misunderstood by the major players in their lives makes them isolate themselves more and more.
Bethenny does not have a loving family in her history. And yet, reality TV, Skinny Girl, multi millionairesse that she is, there is something wonderfully endearing about how her quirky world works and how much love she now experiences.
So, should you change to have a man? Only you can know, but I would ask you, would you change to be happier?
Curious about making some adjustments of your own to find love? Come to Love Magnetizing 101 FREE Coaching Call this Tuesday, May 17. Details right here:
Love Magnetizing 101