- Create a sensual atmosphere. When you are in bed, keep the lights off if that helps. Remember, your success comes from training your mind to accept yourself outside the bedroom. If that doesn't work, Dr. Hutcherson offers up her best tip. "It works, I did it myself. Walk around the house when your family's not home — lock the doors, pull the blinds and just walk around naked," she says. "It's just so liberating."
- Come to your senses. The fastest way to stop an attack of the gremlins is to notice what you're thinking and then consciously shift your focus to your senses. Focus on the sensations you can identify with your senses while in bed with your partner. Their smell. How they taste. Looking into their eyes. The sounds of sex. The feel of your partner's skin against yours. Focusing on your senses take you out of your head.
- Breathe. We typically use a fraction of our lung capacity. Inhale deeply into the belly, heart and upper chest. Breathing dramatically expands your orgasmic potential and brings you into the present moment which is always where miracles, magic and ecstasy dwell (if you're into that...).
- Open Your Eyes. Although closing your eyes may take you deeper into sensation, it can also cause you to leave your body, lapse into fantasy or get lost in the insanity of the mind again. Open the windows to your heart and soul, your eyes.
- Follow the Pleasure. It's elusive and always changing. What felt amazing two minutes ago might feel irritating now. Rather than letting your mind wander away, go on a treasure hunt instead to find the pleasure and open more fully into it.
- Focus on what you love. As much as there may be parts you hate, there are also parts you love. Do you love your eyes, cheekbones, hands, arms, back or something else? Whatever part of your body you like, think about it rather than those you don't. Eventually your thoughts of those places you feel are less than desirable will melt away. What you focus on expands, so focus on what you love.
- Shift your focus from yourself to your lover. The surest way to take your mind off yourself is to focus on someone else. Pay attention to what you love about your partner. Touch the places you love with affection. Kiss the body parts you know they don't like. Make your partner feel great and your own self-consciousness will disappear.
Follow these 14 expert tips to feel good about your body in bed and start having better sex.
Article contributed by
Other Articles/News by Catherine Behan:
Kara’s Porn for Women: No girl-on-girl pics here. One of the few sites targeted to heterosexual women, it has a small collection of stories, primarily involving consensual, one-on-one intercourse and oral sex.
Ask The Experts
Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.
How to find the right pro for you
- 10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts
- 10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business
- Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts
- Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session
- Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do
Stories we love