Follow these 14 expert tips to feel good about your body in bed and start having better sex.
- Re-train your brain. Look in the mirror and say, "I am a good person doing the best I can to accept my body as it is." Repeat 10 times or more as often as necessary.
- Pick the parts of your body you like, even if it is your eyebrows and your ankles and compliment yourself. Again, repeat regularly until you begin to notice that your physical response to the parts of your body you like feel "second nature" to you. Then move to other parts of your body that "feel" more challenging. The goal is to love your whole body.
- Honor your body as a temple. Sacred sexuality teachings from Tantra remind us that the body possesses an innate wisdom far vaster than that of the intellect. Author Margot Anand writes, "The body is the vehicle for transforming consciousness, the crucible in which the base metal of physical energy can be refined into the pure gold of ecstasy." As we know truth in the body, we know truth in the universe.
- Remember and remind yourself as needed that EVERYONE has issues. Remember that less than one percent of the general population can achieve the body image projected by TV and movie actors and actresses, and 61 percent of women think about their body when they are having sex. Even those with "perfect bodies" still worry about body image. There is no escape from this ruthless foe. When we realize that everyone else makes themselves as crazy as we do, it's easier to let go of the craziness and be in the moment.
- Know that no one sees your "flaws" as you do. It's easy to think that everyone sees our area of concern—be it butt, thighs or arms—the same as we do. Chances are they don't; they may actually love those parts. We can't see it because we're wrapped up in our own story. As Eleanor Roosevelt said: "You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do." Instead, listen to what your partner says. Does he compliment your breasts even though you think they're saggy? Does she lovingly touch the stomach that you think is ridiculously huge? See yourself through your partner's loving eyes.
- Check in. When you are out and about, look at all of the couples over 50. Give yourself a reality check on how our bodies age and notice couples who are still physically connected. Remind yourself that age does not guarantee a loss of libido, sexual chemistry or attraction.
- Create beauty. Invest in a negligee or other clothing that fits and makes you feel beautiful. Connect your body with textures, styles and shapes that accentuate the parts of your body you're most comfortable with and bring these clothes into regular circulation in your wardrobe.
When you're ready, take this new you into the bedroom: