You know how it goes. You're just starting to get your sexy groove on and suddenly you have an attack of the gremlins, whispering their poisonous prattle in your ear about this being too lumpy and that being too small. And you find your libido falling faster than your first souffle.
In her book The Female Brain, Dr. Louann Brizendine points out that turning off your faithful guardian, the amygdala, is the only way to get to the delicious explosion of brain chemicals that we call orgasm. The trouble is that the amygdala is on a hair trigger. The moment you feel insecure, this little almond-shaped organ deep in your brain flips on. When your amygdala is on, orgasm is not happening. Period.
It's almost impossible to grow up in our image-obsessed, media-driven culture with any kind of sanity about body image. The current epidemic of negative self talk drives all manner of obsessive and unconscious behavior. What we need is to shift the "stinking thinking" at the root of our suffering. Learn to notice and question thoughts that drag you into the battlefield of "not good enough" and "if only." Rather than getting hooked, simply stop engaging.
Why? Because feeling good in bed isn't just about getting off—sexual satisfaction influences our personal and relationship health and happiness. Statistics show that people who orgasm regularly tend to have stronger immune systems, are less likely to be depressed and live longer. Couples who have not replaced the bedroom with the kitchen also tend to last longer and be happier. The bottom line, don't put off sex until you lose weight.
When it comes to creating a better body image in bed, the action starts at the top—your mind. This is a truly do-it-yourself project. No one can change your thoughts about your body but you. You must convince your Guardian, your amygdala, that you are ready to relax, let your guard down and climax.
To refocus your energy and feel good about yourself in bed, start with these tips: