How Do I Start Dating After Divorce & When?

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How Do I Start Dating After Divorce & When?
Divorced women offer so much to a relationship because they know what it takes to be committed.

Divorced women offer so much to a relationship because they know what it takes to be in a serious, committed relationship. They've had all their experiences, been there and done that, so to speak; and so they're the best partner.

We all know divorce is emotionally, physically and financially draining and everyone processes all those things at their own rate. It's not a matter of getting over the divorce as much as it is getting over the marriage and all the things that transpired in that.

 

Make sure that you are ready to date by giving yourself enough time to heal all the wounds. Make sure you have a chance to deal with your loss and your grief and your anger and really move past your previous relationship before you jump into the dating arena.

Start with self-awareness. Start with examining your values and your goals, what's important to you. Really know yourself first and be happy being single before you venture out for a life partner. It will take at least six months to do this well. For me, it took five years as I was so busy focusing on my children and my career.

When you are ready, start thinking about what you require of a man. Your deal breakers - things that absolutely must be there or it's not going to work. For example, he must be honest, respectful, passionate, and interdependent. You have to know your requirements in order to have them met. Identify all those.

What are your emotional and functional needs? What might be important to you in the person you want to become involved with? For example, is he organized, a good communicator, affectionate, loyal, patient. When we have unmet needs, relationships don't last and resentment sets in. It's just not going to work out.

Lastly, what do you want in a man? That's the icing on the cake, so to speak. Do you want a man who is tall, dark and handsome? Do you want a muscular man? These are wants, not deal breakers. In other words, if the man did not have those physical attributes, it could still work.

If you take the time to reflect upon your marital relationship and see what went well and what didn't, you actually can use that experience to help you. You can learn from it so that you know what you want and don't want this time around.

How do you figure out what kind of a relationship you're looking for? Maybe you just want companionship. Maybe you just want some sort of physical relationship. How can you determine what it is you're looking for?

As part of your reflections on what kind of a man you want, you must think about what kind of a relationship you want also. That's why before you jump into the dating pool; you need to do your homework. Know what you want. Develop your own self-awareness about what's important to you and stick with those intentions.

So you need to just be patient and make sure that you do a lot of reflection and understand what it is you want out of a man and out of a relationship. Just take it easy and slow and don't have too many expectations. Just get out there and see what happens and be secure and comfortable and confident in the knowledge of what you want.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
 
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