And how does the stepfamily, this unit now that has decided all this, how do they deal with the fact that when the children return to their biological mother, maybe the discipline and the rules are different there. How do you get the children to adjust to that?
And that’s when you say to them “When you’re going to school, you have a different set of rules that you follow there. If you have a different teacher, there’s a different set of rules for that teacher. When you’re going to your sports activity, there’s a different set of rules for that and when you’re here, there’s a different set of rules for this activity.”
So wherever you go, you adapt to a different set of rules because that’s how it is. Society does not have a one-rule-fits-everybody, and so it’s a way of telling children this is how it is in the real world. Because as parents, that’s our job, is to help these children adapt to the real world life. So when they do leave our home, they know how to adapt.
Now we do have values and beliefs and, obviously, we don’t have all the same values and beliefs. So it’s important to encourage the children to think, “Well, what do you think is an appropriate behavior? What do you think should be done instead?” Again help the kids think for themselves about what are the consequences of their actions in order for them to become more self-sufficient.