Here's why you need to start the conversation to meet the one for you.
Do you have a hard time meeting men? Does it seem like you never like anyone, or worse—do you clam up and lose whatever charm or personality you have when you do like someone, making you about as attractive as wall paper? And then you're your most playful, adorable, and funny with the ones you're not interested in, making them just worship you, right? Isn't that the worst?
So, where do you go to find men you could like, and how can you get more comfortable with them? I can tell you, but this will be shocking so brace yourself. Great men are everywhere! And all you have to do is say hello! I'm not kidding...They're at the grocery store, the laundry mat, your neighborhood coffee shop, at Home Depot, the driving range, your gym, etc.
Now, that's not the shocking part. The shocking part is that they're lonely, and they're looking to you for a signal that it's okay to approach. Here's the thing: There's something about men you must know and it will dramatically mprove your odds of finding the guy for you. Here goes: Modern men are the lonliest people in the world. This is a sociological FACT.
Odds are, that cute stranger you see at your grocery store, gym, coffee shop, etc., didn't grow up in the area in which he now lives. He likely didn't go to college there, either. And his family of origin is probably not nearby. In other words, the people he's closest to in the word—his childhood friends, his school buddies, and his siblings and parents—are likely not in his daily life. But wait, there's more...
Odds are he's working crazy long hours, allowing little time for a personal life (thanks to how expensive modern life is—especially if he's American, then I promise he's working crazy hours. We work more hours with less time off than anywhere in the world. Yup, even more than Japan, and they have a word for dying from overwork!).
And let's not forget: he's a man. So, he can't touch anyone unless it's sexual. We're so homophobic that men can't hold hands with anyone unless it's romantic, they do not kiss other men (unless they're not attracted to women), and they don't share deep, personal confidences with each other (until something's really a big deal).
As opposed to women who connect with everyone everywhere they go, talk to their friends all the time, tell everyone everything, and can be snuggly with other women and friends without it being construed as sexual. Thus, So women are not lonely in the same way men are. (Researchers believe this is partly why women live longer! Because they have more social networks.)
So, do not clam up and get all shy to the point of fading into the scenery the next time you see a man you could like, because he's just dying for you to say hello! Furthermore, here's the rest of the deal: Men are cultivated to approach women. They're "supposed" to do all the pursuing.
So, since kindergarten they've known that if they like a girl they have to do something about it. They have to walk her home, ask her to go steady, or cross a crowded room in front of all of their friends and ask her to dance. GULP!
So, what's happened to the average man by the time you trip over him out in the world? He's been rejected by women... a lot of them! Hence, he's learned from painful experiences not to approach women unless he knows they want him to. So, unless he's a cocky bad boy, he'll look for some sort of cue from you that you're not going to kick him to the curb...again.
And if you're hot (which you are), and you're not sending him signals, he'll instantly assume that you're taken. He'll think: "A woman like that must be with someone" and he'll do nothing. So, what can you do to stop the madness? It's so simple, but it's the opposite of what you've been doing. All you have to do is start talking to men everywhere you go! Say ANYTHING and they'll be so grateful!
Say hello, compliment his shoes, comment on the weather, ask for the time, whine about gas prices, ask him for an opinion, ask for directions—the options are endless! You don't have to say something brilliant, or even funny or impressive. You just have to say something. If he's not interested (or his girlfriend is five feet away) then he may not say much back.
It's you who may feel rejected by him. Don't let that prevent you from talking to other men because the next guy will be nice back. Or the guy after him, or the guy after him... And one day, when you say something to that interesting stranger, he'll smile and light up. And the next thing you know, you're having a conversation, and the next thing you know you're laughing and getting along great, and the next thing you know, you're married (Okay, there's a few steps in between...).
Best of all, if you're talking to men all the time everywhere you go, when you see the guy you like you'll be so comfortable you won't suddenly lose your entire personality—you'll have developed all those "talking to men" muscles so it'll be easy. You'll be your most fabulous, charming, dynamic you and he'll love it!
Now, if you're sitting there thinking, "Come on, Carol... It's not that easy. This won't work for me..." Then I dare you to try it. Every time I work with a great woman who tells me she never meets any men, she admits she doesn't talk to strangers, gets shy out in public, isn't friendly with people she doesn't know, etc.
So, if you're single and not meeting anyone you like, then I promise it's the main reason for you too and this one small change will be the difference between you being home alone on Friday and Saturday nights, or being quickly swept off your feet by him. Research has proven that women who end up happily married don't do so by accident—they make a big effort to find love, and treat this part of their lives like it's a job.
If you'd like to learn this and everything else you need to do to change your single status and end up happily ever after with a great guy, then join me and over 25 of the world's leading experts on dating and relating for the "Love on Purpose Revolution" happening right now.
Stop believing in the lie that love is supposed to happen "as if by magic," or "when you're not looking"—start doing what it takes to make it happen for you. I'm so grateful to be a part of this amazing line up (which includes big-time super stars such as John Gray and Rhonda Britten!)—whether you need help with Internet dating, communication, sex, dating after divorce, or overcoming fear, we've got you covered…
When it comes to your relationships that are personal and emotional, looking to a man's Sun sign in relation to yours won't explain how you'll relate. You can learn more about this, and so many other amazing truths at the intersection of astrology and love in a free newsletter you can sign up for here: Click here to receive Carol's newsletter for free.
More advice on how to meet new people on YourTango:
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- Dating Don'ts To Avoid When Meeting New People
- 37 Friendship Quotes: Only The Best For Your Bestie