For one reason or another, these celebrities are off-limits. Period.
You can't always help who you're attracted to (thus the Sandra Bullock / Jesse James phenomenon), but sometimes you have to try. Sometimes that tiny, innocent kernel of a crush is like a tiny, innocent black widow spider—not something you want to go anywhere near.
Since we understand that the boundaries can get a bit fuzzy on occasion, we've made a list of celebs that are firmly in the "Don't Even Think About It" category.
1) Justin Bieber
He's adorable and talented, but he's also 16. This kid is Canadian jailbait. Don't pretend you don't know what we're talking aboot. Let that crush happen and you're sure to be sore-y. In fact, for the sake of legality, remember that ANYONE under 18 is just a bad idea. It's agism, but it's necessary.
2) Michelle McGee
Honestly, part of why she's on this list is because we hate the idea of anyone breaking up the marriage of our favorite hollywood sweetheart. But that's just part of it. The other part has to do with her being a swastika-wearing, hitler-saluting, white supremacist. If her tattoos don't scare you, her belief system should. All About Michelle McGee's Swastika, Nazi Ways
3) Jon Gosselin
We were on Jon's side during his reality show, when it seemed that he was an underappreciated, henpecked dad. When the show ended and the divorce procedures began, however, Jon seemed to dissolve from a responsible parent into an emotionally stunted, whiney partyboy—hardly the Jon we'd gotten to know in front of the camera. Even supposing you had the energy to take care of eight kids (or nine, counting Jon himself), do you really want to be involved with someone who is notably...size-deficient? Playgirl Asks Jon Gosselin To Pose Just For Laughs
4) Kate Gosselin
Similar to the above, except that she appears to be uber-controlling and fame-hungry. She, like her ex-husband, comes with some serious baggage. It's also important to note that being with her will mean being involved with Jon by extension, and this, as we've noted, is something to avoid.
Egoism + a tendency to cheat (in sports and in his marriage) + still being into his ex = SO not crushworthy. If men in pinstripes are your type (which this celeblover understands completely), may we suggest the affable, adorable, even-tempered, multi-talented Bernie Williams? Kate Hudson Says A-Rod Still Loves Madonna
8) Naomi Campbell
YourTango does not support violence in relationships. Therefore, we must object to having a crush on someone who has repeatedly been brought up on charges of assault. Phones should be used for talking, texting or using the internet, but never as a weapon.
9) Jay Leno
In truth, we're still not sure exactly how the whole Epic Late-Night TV Show Battle happened, but there are two things that we understand. One is that transitioning hosts for The Tonight Show is always difficult (Leno got into a feud with David Letterman over the much-coveted position after Johnny Carson retired back in the day), and the other is that the Leno appears to have thrown Irish comedian Conan O'Brien under the metaphorical bus. If someone can be underhanded in business, they can be the same way in love.
10) Anyone no longer living
To quote the oddly wise and surprisingly eloquent Yogi Berra (we weren't kidding about our love for the Yankees), "It ain't over 'til it's over." Once it is, though, let it go. If someone has died, the crush dies with them. It's really just a practicality thing.