This feeling of doubt and mistrust may be operating in your adult relationship. You might be preoccupied with being loved or cared for: "Is he available? Does she love me enough? Is there something I can do to get the love I need? Is there someone else? Is he going to respond when I need him?" You may feel a constant, low-grade anxiety that is with you all the time. It might even feel normal — but it’s not. Healthy, secure love allows you to trust and rest easy.
Susan lives with the daily frustration of, "I need him but I can't count on him." Tim doesn't have a skillful way to deal with her chronic anxiety, so he withdraws. He has no idea that his resistance to her anxiety is actually fueling it.
In this example of a classic co-triggering-and-escalation cycle, Tim's emotional abandonment snuffs out of her all desire and capacity for intimacy. He's been frustrated with their lack of sex for awhile. She can't explain why she feels repulsed by his advances. They're caught in a classic loop. They need help.
Their work begins with an understanding of their different LoveStyles.
When you learn about your own and your partner's LoveStyle, you'll gain new insights into what's going on between your different bonding strategies, and develop new options for dealing with those co-triggering reactions. You can begin your own exploration by taking our free, 5-minute LoveStyle Profile Quiz.
If you have repeated problems or arguments in your relationship, it doesn’t mean that you’re unlovable, nor that you don’t know how to love. You’re simply confused about how to love.
When you learn about your own LoveStyle, and your partner’s LoveStyle, there’s less reactivity. The cycles are slowed down and you begin to care for each other’s true needs. Using simple practices to re-program your original bonding pattern, anxiety is reduced and you both return to feelings of security and love.
When you both feel cared for, genuine passion gets re-ignited automatically. In our trainings, we teach specific techniques and practices that can gently, steadily rewire your reactive childhood patterns so you can shift your LoveStyle from insecure-anxious to secure love you can count on.
Begin now, with the free LoveStyle Profile Quiz.