Parents: The Top 10 List For Creating Healthy Kids

By ,

Parents: The Top 10 List For Creating Healthy Kids
10 tips to create kids with healthy attachment and secure bonding with their parents.
10 tips to create kids with healthy attachment and secure bonding with their parents.
10 tips to create kids with healthy attachment and secure bonding with their parents.

Children are sponges. As cliché as it may sound, there isn’t a better visual metaphor. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and as a parent of two children, it is my opinion that today’s society is still in need of educating parents about the profound necessity for secure attachments between a parent and a child.

Children are sponges. As cliché as it may sound, there isn’t a better visual metaphor. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and as a parent of two children, it is my opinion that today’s society is still in need of educating parents about the profound necessity for secure attachments between a parent and a child.

What many parents don't realize, based on countless research and books, is that the kind of attachment between a parent and child will pave the way for how well that child will function as an adult in a relationship. Dr. Daniel Siegel, author and founder of the Mindsight Institute, breaks down the four types of attachments:

  • Securely attached – Emotionally available, perceptive, responsive
  • Insecure/Avoidantly attachedEmotionally unavailable, imperceptive, unresponsive and rejecting
  • Insecure/Anxious/Ambivalently attached – inconsistently available, perceptive and responsive, and intrusive
  • Insecure/Disorganizingly attached – Frightening, frightened, disorienting, alarming

Now take a look at how these child attachment categories translate into adulthood, from Daniel Siegel's book, Parenting from the Inside Out:

CHILDHOOD ------->  ADULTHOOD
Securely attached ------->  Secure (free or autonomous)
Avoidantly attached ------->  Dismissing
Ambivalently attached ------->  Preoccupied or entangled
Disorganizingly attached ------->  Unresolved trauma or loss/disorganized

So now that you’ve seen how your child's attachment (with you) creates a lasting imprint for him or her, allow me to empower your parental role and share with you ten very important ways of developing a healthy attachment with your child:

1) You and your partner are the ultimate example to your child of how two adults connect/communicate/bond – From the moment your child enters the world at birth, he or she is always watching and absorbing how you and your partner interact. How you argue, how and if you repair an argument, touching, not touching, tone of voice, sleeping arrangements....everything is absorbed by a child, whether the parent thinks it’s obvious or not.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Carin Goldstein MFT

Marriage and Family Therapist

Carin Goldstein, MFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles as well as the witty writer of Be the Smart Wife where she writes about the trials and tribulations of how to naviagate through your marriage. Sign up for Be the Smart Wife bi-weekly posts and connect with Carin on facebook and twitter. If you live in the Los Angeles area and are interested in learning more about Carin's psychotherapy services, visit her website at caringoldstein.com.

Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Empowering Women, Marriage
Advanced Member

This Emotional Life

Organization

Coming soon. . .

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Non-Profit
Other Articles/News by Carin Goldstein MFT, This Emotional Life :

Avoid The Gimmicks: The True Meaning Behind Valentine's Day

By

In my opinion, there are two holidays that may be the most anti-climactic of them all, setting most of us up for disappointment: the first being New Year's Eve and second being (of course) ... Valentine's Day. Though as you read this article, know that this is not an anti-Valentines Day scolding or "how Hallmark has successfully brainwashed our ... Read more

Parenting Matters: What's All This Talk about Early Attachment?

By

Connection is created, navigated, ruptured, and repaired daily from the moment we are born. At the heart of being alive lies the vitality of being connected to others- feeling that what we do matters. What’s more is that we rely on being deeply understood by those around us in order to thrive. But how do we learn about healthy connection? What does it ... Read more

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB