Happy wife equals happy life (wink, wink).
Countless studies and surveys show that moms are chronically overworked and underappreciated, in and out of the bedroom! As a wife, one of the hardest things to do is to fess up that you’d rather sleep or read a good book than have sex.
Most moms have been there: You have those loving moments throughout the day where you think of your man and that maybe after the kids are in bed tonight, you'll put on that slinky little nightie you've had in the dresser and surprise him.
But between the time you have that thought and you're both settled at home by the end of the day, a hundred things have happened, along with a hundred mood shifts, and you're tapped out long before the kids' bedtime even rolls around.
Mothers are natural caregivers who often make the mistake of forgetting to give to themselves and their relationships, too. But a happy mom makes for a happier relationship and family—and having enough sex is a large part of having a fulfilled sense of self. So here's how you can have more sex as a busy mom (and three reasons why you should make it a priority).
1. Get your head in the game!
Yes, sex takes a certain amount of energy, which moms often funnel into their kids, their careers and other responsibilities instead of themselves. But having sex with your partner is one of the best ways you can relieve stress and feel more connected to your relationship and yourself.
If you find you're in the habit of reviewing all the reasons you can't or shouldn't have sex right now ("I feel fat," "I need these 15 extra minutes of sleep"), try thinking instead of all the benefits—and then stop thinking so much and just do it!
2. Start making time for sex.
You plan for everything else as a busy mom, so why not plan for intimacy? The sad truth is that things usually don't get accomplished unless we plan for them because we're too busy. Begin to anticipate what needs to be done in order to allow the "planned event" into your schedule.
You're worth it (and so is he).
3. Spice things up in bed.
Sometimes things can get redundant in the bedroom. Kick it up a notch by doing things you've never done before. Try different positions or locations. You know what they say: if you keep doing the same old thing, you're going to get the same old results.
Having sex isn't going to happen unless you make it happen. We're all too busy and too tired, but it’s one of the best ways to lovingly connect with your partner physically, spiritually and emotionally.
Facilitating a satisfying, vibrant sex life is a critical component of marriage and one that women can sometimes abandon once the demands of family expand in quantity and import. Women often serve as the CEO of the family—coordinating schedules, logistics, long/short term goals—basically making sure the entity is running smoothly.
This is a difficult and consuming job, so sex sometimes falls off the radar. Women feel justified in this, almost like a martyr, sacrificing everything for their family. But there's a secret. Sex is not only important for the individual and the couple but also for the entire family. Exploring the value of sex is critical in helping women prioritize sexual intimacy in their lives.
If you're not convinced, here's why you must make sex with your husband a priority.
1. It's good for your health (and is doctor approved!).
Sex can reduce stress and tension, and create feelings of physical and emotional well-being. Sex is also part of self-care. Just like exercise, time with friends and spirituality are important self-care activities, so is sex. Sex is a way of honoring one’s needs and desires, and to do so can create energy that is grounding, youthful and full of vitality.
2. It'll do wonders for your relationship.
We hear this a lot, but how does sex really benefit a relationship? Sex is a separate category of intimacy. Different than emotional intimacy, family intimacy, life-partner intimacy—it is a wordless, sacred bond that distinguishes a couple relationship.
Spending this kind of time together creates closeness, good will, and a bonding that is unlike any other. It fans the flames of romance and makes both partners feel more invested and connected. In spite of fatigue and conflicts, couples should absolutely prioritize sex as it is truly akin to prioritizing and deeply tending to the relationship.
3. A happy (and satisfied) wife equals a happy family!
Seriously. It creates an unconscious energy in the house between the couple—a closeness, an intimacy. This bond can be felt by the children and sets a wonderful example of love, commitment and safety.
There is almost no better thing a parent can do for a child than to love their spouse, and sex is an important extension of that. A child who experiences his/her parents as close and connected experiences a sense of well-being and security that carries over to how they move through the world and through their own relationships.
In other words: When it comes to sex, there are four steps you should take. Think about it, plan it, schedule it and then just do it. Your health, your relaitonship and your kids will benefit from you being a happier, more fulfilled woman.
Dr. Hillary Goldsher, Psy.D, MBA is a licensed clinical psychologist who has a private practice in Beverly Hills, CA.