Top 10 Secrets of Successful Gay Daters

By

Top 10 Secrets of Successful Gay Daters

Men don't cry. Men don't show emotions."You know, all those mumbo jumbo messages all of us men, gay and straight, had to internalize growing up. These scripts that are supposed to define manhood limit our ability to live freely. As a result, many gay relationships tend to be highlighted by competition, status, power/control struggles, and lack of effective communication skills and expression of feelings. Put two men together in a dating situation with the same socialization scripts, and these are relationship killers! Define for yourself what being a man means, develop comfort with your masculinity and gender, and don't be held back by these prejudicial sanctions. 5. He has addressed any issues pertaining to internalized homophobia, feels a sense of acceptance and pride with being gay, and has overcome a lot of the gay stereotypes and myths that abound about gay men and dating. Coming out isn't for everyone, but the more accepting you are about your sexual identity, the greater quality of life you can experience. You don't have to live a double life any more, you no longer have to lie or hide behind secrets, you can live with less fear and stress, and your self-esteem tends to be higher in most cases. It's not an easy feat, however--there's years worth of shame to work through, but for most people the journey is beneficial as they can then live more authentically and truly be themselves. Dating and relationships can be made difficult without a resolution to this, particularly if both men are in different places of the coming-out continuum. Additionally, it's important to counter any myths or stereotypes about homosexuality because these can be limiting as well. "All the good ones are taken." "Gay relationships don't work." "All gay men want is sex." "I have to be a stud to land a man." "Guys will come to me." If you believe any of these statements and the many others that exist, recognize these as misinformation that can be confusing and distort reality and work hard at challenging and defeating such negative self-talk so that they don't get in the way of your goals. 4. He knows what dating means and how to do it instead of just having sex. For many gay men, having sex and/or jumping into a relationship too early is a common phenomenon. Because of our homophobic society, we were never taught how to date, so gays don't typically have pacing rituals or milestones like our straight counterparts do for dating. This, coupled with relief after years of isolation and having a strong need to feel loved/wanted/connected, fuels us to rush intimacy too quickly and establish premature connections without knowing more about the other guy. It's important to build a foundation first as this helps us make good choices. Learn how to pace and slow things down by learning how to add courtship, flirting, and romance to the mix. 3. He is emotionally and physically available and ready for love. Have the time and space to invite a person into your world. It will be difficult to establish a connection with someone if your time schedule is too booked up. Also be ready emotionally by ensuring you've resolved any baggage from your past or addressing any current personal issues that may distract you and sabotage your efforts at love. And most importantly, be yourself! Don't be someone that you think he wants you to be.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Brian Rzepczynski

Counselor/Therapist

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, Licensed Relationship Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating, relationship, and sexual enrichment tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com

Location: Aurora, IL
Credentials: LCSW, MSW, Other
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support, Gay/Lesbian/Identity Issues, Sex Therapy
Other Articles/News by Brian Rzepczynski:

Intimacy Freak-Out & Gay Men: Part Two

By

This is the second installment in a 2-part article series about struggles with intimacy that are relatively common in gay relationships. In Part 1 of the series, "intimacy freak-out" was defined and the reasons why gay men are prone to this phenomenon were discussed. This article will address some of the common intimacy fears that could block your ... Read more

Intimacy Freak-Out & Gay Men: Part One

By

"Intimacy freak-out." You've seen it before. You've probably encountered it during your dating escapades. It happens when things seem to be going famously with that special guy you've been dating, and when things start getting just a little bit serious, BAM! He disappears, never to be heard from again, for no apparent reason. Or those men ... Read more

The First Date: Assessing His Boyfriend Potential

By

Let me paint you a picture. . . You sit on the lumpy lounge chair at the coffee shop, sipping your cappuccino while trying to look occupied reading today's local newspaper, your eyes periodically shifting to the front door of the shop, hoping to catch a quick glance of the man you'll be meeting for the first time. You've had a million first ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular