Probably the number one question I get asked most often by gay couples is, unsurprisingly, "How do I make my relationship better?" So, in line with the holiday and beginning of a New Year, I thought I'd write a short blurb that lists some possible action steps you might take to improve your partnership in the coming year. We've all heard of making personal New Year's Resolutions like "I'm going to lose weight this year" or "I'm going to go to the health club more often", but what would happen if we expanded upon that concept and created Resolutions for our relationships as couples?
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With our busy lifestyles and excessive demands placed upon our time, it can be very easy to take our relationships for granted and unconsciously place them on the low end of our priority scales. And with those couples who have been together for a long time, it's even easier to settle into comfortable routines and patterns (as if on auto-pilot) at the expense of attending to and nurturing our relationship with our partners. This neglect is a primary reason for relationship discord, boredom, and a host of other problems that begin to erode at the foundation of our bonds as lovers/husbands.
JUMP-START YOUR RELATIONSHIP IN THE NEW YEAR
Conscious intention toward putting consistent energy into your relationship is crucial for its longevity and success. So why not, as a couple, create your own list of New Year's Resolutions for your relationship and make sure to attend to the items on your list. In fact, the actual act of the two of you sitting down and developing a list would be a great first item, something the two of you could creatively do that fosters togetherness and mutual brainstorming on ways to super-charge your connection. In essence, the two of you are creating a vision for your relationship, and the pure act of doing that begins to cement more intimacy between you as you have common goals to strive toward and celebrate the successes along the way.
Need some help creating some Resolutions? While it'll have more meaning and substance if you and your partner can create your own, here's some examples that you might use; they might even spark some additional ideas of your own! Have at it, and enjoy the process!
SAMPLE RELATIONSHIP NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
"For this year 2011, we as a couple, resolve to do the following for the benefit and growth of our relationship..."
1. To listen to each other without interrupting as a way to improve our communication and validate each other's perspectives on issues.
2. To take notice of the "little things" we do and to acknowledge our observation of these things as a way to keep giving each other positive strokes.
3. To make more time for each other and restructure our schedules so that we have more quality time and availability to go out on dates and enjoy each other.
4. To make love to each other with more passion, intensity, and creativity.
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5. To create a scrapbook of memories of our life together that will act as a legacy of our relationship.
6. To make sure that we have some kind of dialogue on a daily basis that keeps us centered on each other and keeps the distractions of our lives at bay.