Ignite the fire.
Has your relationship hit a sexual dry spell? Is the love is still there, but has the spark vanished?
If so, don’t panic, there are ways to end this type of drought.
Fading passion is one of the hardest and most confusing issues that couples face over the course of a long-term relationship. One minute, you can’t keep your hands off of each other, and the next, you’re not having any sex at all.
Sex itself is a complicated thing. It’s beautiful, fun, special and feels good, but is also tied up with self esteem, emotions, intimacy, health and personal history. You may think of it as a simple act, but in reality it could be the sole source of tension in a relationship.
Unless both partners have a very low sex drive, a lack of sexual intimacy can be a downfall in a relationship. Unfortunately, it’s also quite easy to fall into a vicious cycle when it comes to sex: It’s hard to want to have it when you feel emotionally detached, but it’s hard to feel emotional bonded without physical intimacy.
Basically, the less happy you are, the less sex you want, and the less sex you have, the less happy you are in your relationship.
If you wait for passion to return, you may be waiting forever. Instead follow these seven easy steps to put sex back on your agenda.
Make Time for Sex
Squeezing sex into your schedule may seem impossible, but it’s something that must be done. Many times the reason sex leaves a relationship is because people get too tied up with simple everyday tasks instead of passion.
Don’t make time an excuse for not having sex, instead make an effort to prioritize your sex life.
If your busy lifestyle has you feeling disconnected from your partner, then bridge the gap in your relationship by making time for each other. Find new interests to share, and try out activities that require a lot of focus; believe it or not, it's good for your sex life.
Don’t forget to go on dates together, try new hobbies and find room for cuddle time. Bedtime can be a great opportunity to bond and revive sexual tension, so at least once a week hit the sack early together and cuddle. Remember to keep distractions out of sight.
Communicate with Your Partner
Often times, the root cause of a lack of sex is a lack of communication. Many couples avoid talking about sex because they get embarrassed, and instead say nothing and hope things magically change.
Unfortunately, beating around the bush won’t help change anything, which is why it’s important to be open and honest with your spouse about your sexual relationship.
Set up a time for you and your partner to talk about sex. A good way to organize your feelings around your issues is to make a list of your sexual barriers before talking. You can also try saying something along the lines of "I’d like to spice up our sex life, we’ve fallen into some bad habits,” or “We need to set aside time for sex, the same as we do other things that are important to us."
Without talking about the issue, it’s hard to understand why sex has vanished from the relationship.
For instance, one partner may have a lower libido, and the other may take that as a sign of rejection. This creates the potential for misunderstandings and assumptions arise, which are then followed by the lack of initiation for sex or anything physical. Partner can be left feeling hurt, anger, insecurities and despair.
These feelings can later lead to temptations and the desire to look elsewhere for intimacy. To avoid all this, simply talk about sex.
If your relationship is lagging don't be afraid to consult a sex therapist or physician. Alternatively, you can go to my website, and watch the free video presentation. In it, I reveal even more techniques on how you can revive that spark you and your partner shared when you first met each other.
Feel Good About Yourself
When you don't feel sexy, it's hard to be sexy. It’s important to shift your focus away from your self-perceived flaws to things that you do like about your body.
Maybe you have killer eyes and a contagious smile. Find something you love about yourself and focus on it to boost your confidence in bed. You can also try expanding your definition of what makes sex great from “What do I look like?” to “What can I do that'll rock my guy’s/girl’s world?”
Confidence is key here.
Not to state the obvious, but another great way to feel good about yourself is by exercising. Whether you need to hit the gym or not, the endorphins that bathe the brain when you exercise usher in positive, empowering thoughts.
Have you ever noticed how great you feel after being active? In fact, most people would agree that when they work out, they feel better about their bodies regardless of how much they weigh. This means that giving your sex life a boost can be as simple as getting a little sweaty.
Take a second to think back to the beginning of your relationship, when you were first falling for your partner. Do you remember the way they would make you laugh, or tease you?
In the early days of dating, couples are great at flirting with one another. They share sexy text messages, speak with innuendo, smile and toss their hair, dress their best, and in general, try to attract their partner.
However, as time passes couples become more comfortable with one another and the flirting dissipates. Reviving that type of playful flirting is one of the easiest ways to re-activate your sex life.
One of the easiest ways to increase your sexual connection is by increase physical touch.
Don’t know where to start? Begin by touching your partner’s arm fleetingly when you pass in the hall, or holding hands while you take a stroll.
Kiss each other good night, good morning and when you see each other after work, or take it a step further and make out like you did when you first started dating. Sit close while watching TV, and always have at least one body part touching when you go to bed.
By initiating sexual arousal in small, subtle ways throughout the day, you and your partner will feel closer to one another, more turned on, and more likely to want sex.
Unlike in your twenties when sex was straightforward desire, arousal, orgasm. As you age foreplay becomes more important to build arousal and desire. When initiating sex, allow each other plenty of sensual time to get warmed up.
Don’t be shy to ask your partner what they like or want, and share your fantasies with each other.
Reading erotica aloud can help you ease into pillow talk, getting you both in the mood for sex, and inspiring you to try new things.
It’s also been proven that novelty and excitement stimulate the production of dopamine, a brain chemical that’s linked to your libido.
This means that getting adventurous outside the bedroom will also get you going between the sheets. Sometimes, all you want to do in the bedroom is sleep. Having sex elsewhere can do wonders for reawakening the libido.
Create the Scene
It’s important to set the scene for sex, and having a room that’s all about relaxation and seduction is sure to have a positive impact on your sex life. Removing clutter and keeping it tidy will ship off stress and encourage intimacy.
If the room doesn’t feel like it’s working for you now, consider rearranging the furniture or changing the wall color. Pale blues and greens are ideal for relaxation, but pops of red, orange and pink will heat things up.
Try adding a coat of paint, a few accent pillows, sensual artwork or colored light bulbs to boost the mood.
Integrating aromas into your everyday life can also help amp up erotic vibes. Research has shown that when women are in the presence of a preferred scent, they are more likely to project positive feelings on those around them, which indeed, can lead to increased attraction.