2. Carol and Robert: In contrast to Dwight and Sonya, Carol and Robert find the greatest satisfaction in their love making when he dominates and she surrenders. Carol, a writer and sex educator, beautifully describes her experiences, which she calls her "ritualized games of belonging" thus:
"Helplessly bound and taken, I feel at the height of my erotic power (which may sound paradoxical), but one measure of my power is how vulnerable and receptive I can be; how much passionate and masterful attention I can receive." She adds, "Our sexual power play allows me to start out feeling thrillingly afraid and end up feeling safe and loved." Bring More Heart Into Your Sex Life!
Robert, a doctor of chiropractic medicine, relishes being in control of Carol's sexual and emotional responses. He experiences enormous waves of loving energy when he can bring her to a place of profound physical and emotional trust. But he emphasizes that, "even when I'm dominating and Carol is submitting, a feeling of mutual respect for each other is always present. In fact, if either of us feels threatened in the middle of one of these fantasy scenes, we can call for time out and ask for care and support." The Power Of Pillow Talk
3. Ted and Vanessa: This couple I interviewed emphasized the spiritual dimension that this form of sexual contact arouses in them. Ted explains that he is often overcome with a sense of reverential awe when Vanessa allows him to take complete possession of her through their handcuff, bondage and light discipline rituals.
As Vanessa describes it from her vantage point, "When Ted ties me to the bed, dominates me and tells me he is taking possession of my body and soul, I move into this state of devotional surrender. He is my God, or the vehicle through which I experience my connection to a universal divine energy." 3 Ways To Squeeze In More Sex
You can learn more about how other couples engage in fantasy sexual power play games in my chapter, "Words of Dominance and Surrender" in my Random House book The Fine Art of Erotifc Talk. You can also find tips on how to share your own sexual fantasies and desires with your partner on my Words for Lovers blog post, "Sharing Erotic Fantasies."