Bring More Heart Into Your Sex Life!

Sometimes, even when we have great sexual chemistry with our partner, we may feel shy or awkward when it comes to connecting on a more intimate level. This is particularly true when we're feeling intense levels of attraction, desire or attachment. We may fear lack of reciprocity from our partner, or even worse, withdrawal and rejection. Or, we may simply lack trust in our ability to communicate in a way that will be received with genuine care and understanding.

Well there's good news here, for there are a number of ways to gently and slowly open our hearts and encourage our partner to do the same. And these gentle approaches are designed to allow us to express our attraction, desire and longing for connection without triggering old patterns of fear and pain that lead to misunderstanding, self-protection and withdrawal.

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Appreciation, Validation & Gratitude
Words that validate our partner's attractiveness and value to us as a lover are not only arousing, but can be healing as well. In the workshops I've presented and the research I conducted while writing The Fine Art of Erotic Talk, I've come to realize why such words can have such profound impact. So many of us grew up in families in which we felt judged, invalidated or overlooked. So we then internalized a sense of "not being good enough." What's more, our culture, with its narrow, idealized standards of beauty and its cult of youth and fear of aging add to this sense of inadequacy. Even men and women who appear to be exceptionally good-looking often carry deep insecurities about their attractiveness to others.

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Fortunately, there are several ways to bring appreciation into your romantic and sexual connection with your lover. You may first want to start by expressing the ways in which you find him or her physically attractive to you. And remember to use all your senses...not just sight. For example:

• "I really appreciate the softness of your skin."
• "I l adore the smell of your hair."
• "I love the delicious way you taste."
• "When you look at me with those gorgeous brown eyes, I absolutely melt."

You may then begin to notice and give expression to the ways your partner's lovemaking style particularly pleases you. For example:

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• "You make me feel so hot and sexy when you do that."
• "Your sense of timing is exquisite; you know my body so well."
• "Thank you for loving me so tenderly."

Acknowledgement of what is unique or exceptional about your lover
If you want to truly encourage a deeper heart connection, begin to let your partner know the qualities you find in him or her that are unique and irreplaceable. The Power Of Pillow Talk

Perhaps you have a lover with a vivid imagination who thrills you with his wild fantasies, or one who tunes into your sexual energy so well that lovemaking becomes an easy, ecstatic dance. Let your partner know. For example: