Bring More Heart Into Your Sex Life!

Bring More Heart Into Your Sex Life!

Bring More Heart Into Your Sex Life!

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3 powerful approaches and 17 potent phrases to help you and your lover open your hearts in bed.

Sometimes, even when we have great sexual chemistry with our partner, we may feel shy or awkward when it comes to connecting on a more intimate level. This is particularly true when we're feeling intense levels of attraction, desire or attachment. We may fear lack of reciprocity from our partner, or even worse, withdrawal and rejection. Or, we may simply lack trust in our ability to communicate in a way that will be received with genuine care and understanding.

Well there's good news here, for there are a number of ways to gently and slowly open our hearts and encourage our partner to do the same. And these gentle approaches are designed to allow us to express our attraction, desire and longing for connection without triggering old patterns of fear and pain that lead to misunderstanding, self-protection and withdrawal.

Appreciation, Validation & Gratitude
Words that validate our partner's attractiveness and value to us as a lover are not only arousing, but can be healing as well. In the workshops I've presented and the research I conducted while writing The Fine Art of Erotic Talk, I've come to realize why such words can have such profound impact. So many of us grew up in families in which we felt judged, invalidated or overlooked. So we then internalized a sense of "not being good enough." What's more, our culture, with its narrow, idealized standards of beauty and its cult of youth and fear of aging add to this sense of inadequacy. Even men and women who appear to be exceptionally good-looking often carry deep insecurities about their attractiveness to others.

 

20 Ways To Beat Relationship Insecurity

Fortunately, there are several ways to bring appreciation into your romantic and sexual connection with your lover. You may first want to start by expressing the ways in which you find him or her physically attractive to you. And remember to use all your senses...not just sight. For example:

  • "I really appreciate the softness of your skin."
  • "I l adore the smell of your hair."
  • "I love the delicious way you taste."
  • "When you look at me with those gorgeous brown eyes, I absolutely melt."

You may then begin to notice and give expression to the ways your partner's lovemaking style particularly pleases you. For example:

  • "You make me feel so hot and sexy when you do that."
  • "Your sense of timing is exquisite; you know my body so well."
  • "Thank you for loving me so tenderly."

Acknowledgement of what is unique or exceptional about your lover
If you want to truly encourage a deeper heart connection, begin to let your partner know the qualities you find in him or her that are unique and irreplaceable. The Power Of Pillow Talk

Perhaps you have a lover with a vivid imagination who thrills you with his wild fantasies, or one who tunes into your sexual energy so well that lovemaking becomes an easy, ecstatic dance. Let your partner know. For example:

  • "I treasure your wild, imaginative mind...especially when we make love."
  • "I've never had a lover who was so attuned to my body. You really have a special sensitivity that I adore."
  • "Nobody does it better. Baby, you're the best!" (Yes, it's fine to use a song lyric if it genuinely expresses what you're feeling!)

Do You Know How Sexy You Look Right Now?

Sensual Nurturing
Using nurturing words with a sensual vibe can be a highly effective way to help your partner overcome a particularly stressful day or a bout of the blues. Or, such words can be used to help you communicate your needs for warmth and tenderness. And such expressions of gentle care combined with nourishing touch can work wonders to help you both open your hearts while stirring your libido.

For instance, while caressing or massaging your lover you might say:

  • "Just breathe into the warmth of my hands and let me take care of you." Or,
  • "Honey, just let go right there and enjoy my touch!"

Or if you'd like to find out the most effective way of meeting your lover's needs, you might ask:

  • "What parts of your body most long for my loving attention right now?"
  • Or, more playfully, "Tell me where it hurts, love. Dr _______ (your name) is here to make it all better."

Or, if requesting nurturing care, you might say:

  • "Baby, I really need you to hold me and slowly stroke my back right now."
  • "I'd so love to feel your hands gently caressing my body." Dirty Talk Dos and Don'ts

Another way to increase the flow of heart energy between you and your partner is to look in their eyes and connect with the innocent child deep within them. You can then say:

  • "I see a flicker of 'girlish' ('boyish') innocence in your eyes, that I find so endearing."

If some of these words and phrases resonate with you, that's great. But if they're not in perfect alignment with your thoughts and feelings, then use them as a catalyst to help you find those words most expressive of what's truly in your heart.

And, If you'd like a multitude of other ideas on appreciative and nurturing words and phrases to use with your lover, then check out The Fine Art of Erotic Talk (Random House) and Your Daily Verbal Aphrodisiac.

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