Here are 4 powerful and proven tips on what to say and how to say it!
Whether you’re out there looking for a compatible mate, are dating someone new, or have been seeing your current partner for awhile, try these approaches to enliven and enrich the connection between you..
Tip #1: Personalize your Expressions of Attraction
Notice a quality about this intriguing person that you find particularly appealing. Perhaps it’s the warmth in his smile; the gleam in her eyes; his way with words; her wit, grace
or charm; the lilt in his voice. (If possible try to focus in on a non-physical
quality, first. It shows the other person that you’re not simply interested in
superficial physical appearance, and have some depth and sensitivity. Since personality and subtler emotional qualities can be expressed through the eyes, the voice or the way one smiles, it's fine to talk about these attributes.)
Now, express your attraction, but instead of saying “You’ve got beautiful eyes, or
you have a nice smile, or you’re very funny. Use “I” statements: - “I love your eyes”, “I like your smile”, “I love the way your mind works.” Personalizing your compliment
by using “I” rather than objectifying it with “you” creates a flow of intimate
energy between you.
Tip #2: Sensualize Your Expressions of Attraction
To “sensualize” a phrase is to use words that evoke a physical or emotional connection to your partner and tjat allude to the five senses - sight, sound, taste, touch and smell.
For example, if you and your partner are dancing and you’re enjoying the
experience, instead of saying “you’re a great dancer” or even the more intimate “I
love the way you dance” - try “I love the way you feel in my arms” or It feels so
nice to be in your arms”. Or, if you’re doing non-touch dancing try “I love the
way you move”.
Instead of “Mmm, that’s nice cologne” or “I love your cologne”. Try, “Mmmm, I
love the way you smell. I could breathe you in like this for hours.” Instead of “I
like the way you kiss” try “I love the way your lips taste.” Other phrases you can
use to bring a sensual aura to your communication are, “I love the soft and silky
feeling of your hair against my cheek”, “Your skin feels so smooth to my touch”, “
I like the way your hand feels in mine” and “I love the way you’re looking at me
Tip #3: Validate Your Partner’s Affectionate Behavior Toward You
This is a great way to create a warm physical bond with a potential or actual lover.
You simply let your partner know that you notice and appreciate his or her
displays of affection. For example, if you’re walking down the street holding
hands you might say, “I like the way your hand feels in mine” or “It feels really
nice to hold your hand like this.” If you’ve been cuddling in a movie theatre, you
might whisper to your date as you leave, “I liked the way you put your head on my
shoulder when we were watching the movie; it felt really nice.” When you
verbally reward your partner for such behavior you are not only showing your
appreciation but are greatly increasing the likelihood that these displays of
affection will be repeated.
Tip #4: Let Your Partner Know How He/She Affects You
This is the most powerful forms of verbal charisma, because it invites both you
and your partner to become more open and vulnerable with each other. But by so
doing you are increasing the flow of sensual energy between you while building a
more intimate heart connection.
As you may recall in step one, you were asked to personalize your expression of
attraction to your partner by using an “I” statement, as in “I love your eyes”, “I like
your smile”, etc. Now you are asked to reveal to your partner the effect these
attractive qualities have on you. Here are a few examples: “When you look at me
that way, I just melt inside.” “When you smile like that at me, my heart skips a
beat.” “The sound of your voice really turns me on.” “Your touch sends delicious
shivers down my spine.”
For a bevy of romantic, sensual and erotic phrases you can use to excite and entrance a lover, try the manual Your Daily Verbal Aphrodisiac and my book The Fine Art of Erotic Talk (Bantam/Random House). I also highly recommend Mike Webb’s acclaimed publication The Ultimate Guide to Sexy Talk.