What YOU need to know, in order to be a better friend.
Have you ever had a person in your life who makes you feel like you are the only person in the whole room — like you are the most interesting, witty, special, sun-shines-out-your-butt person EVER?
How do they do that? Are they relationship magicians? Have they undergone special training? Or are they just angels on Earth, placed here to make you feel amazing?
Maybe one or all of these things apply, but I know their dirty little secret: you are not the only person who feels so special around them. EVERYONE they speak with feels exactly the same way! Notice, I wrote “speak with,” not “speak to.” This little nuance is an ingredient in the magic potion they have concocted to make you feel the way you do each time you’re with them.
Here are a few remaining ingredients:
1. They know how to really listen.
They make you feel this way because they are peaceful listeners, who look you directly in the eyes. They listen and take a moment before responding with a nod or a, “Hmmm.” Their body is facing you squarely and their calm demeanor comes from the fact that they are actually thinking about what you are sharing with them. They have carved out time to hold space for you while you explore an experience, a feeling, an idea.
2. They genuinely care about people.
People who love to listen are often empaths who have a genuine desire to get to know you. They genuinely care about what you are feeling and thinking. They actually feel what you are feeling and they reflect that back to you. You’ll know they care about you because they remember little details about your life and they ask about those pearls each time they see you.
3. They celebrate in your accomplishments.
Good conversationalists love to celebrate your accomplishments. They say things like, “You look so happy! Tell me what’s happening in your life!” or “That is so incredible. You’ve been working really hard toward reaching that goal," or “You’re so talented. You’ve got this!”
It’s always such a boost to get confirmation from people you care about. It’s encouraging to know that you are headed in the right direction.
Want to make others feel exactly like your favorite person makes you feel when you are around them? Put your own news on the back burner, listen, and let people know that you’re listening by looking directly into their eyes while sitting calmly. Face them and let them know you hear what they are saying by nodding, cooing, and saying something supportive like, “That’s right.”
Reflect their experience by acknowledging something they’ve shared. You might say, “It sounds like that was really difficult when that happened.” Be supportive. Tell them you know they can accomplish what they have set out to do.
Being a good conversationalist is key to good karma. When people feel listened to, heard and supported, they WANT to be around you.
They talk about how good they feel around you to others and that draws new people into your circle. Personally or professionally, learning how to listen makes people feel valued. When others feel valued, they value you too.