No one said that it would be easy, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth it.
Well shut the f*ck up with all that and listen.
If you would seriously rather give yourself away in order to avoid being alone, you have some serious insecurities to work through via therapy, prayer, meditation, self-rediscovery, or whatever means necessary. And you aren't picking the right people to be with, either.
I have been celibate now for about almost a year and a half. The journey at first was not by choice, but because of a situation with my ex. When it first began, I hated it — but as I continued, I actually started to value what it brought to my life.
Here's why celibacy during dating is a GOOD idea:
1. Being celibate helps me to make wiser decisions.
After healing from my breakup with my ex, I vowed to myself that I would not mess up the chance to be with a good guy by choosing what's "convenient". Had I made the decision of choosing a good guy to begin with, I might not have rushed into a relationship (and ultimately, into his bed).
Although this resulted in the birth of my son — which was a blessing in the midst of my struggles with my ex — I can now use my celibacy to help me focus more on what I need from a relationship apart from sex.
2. I truly see the difference between "Mr. Potential" versus "Mr. I Got My S**t Together".
Instead of being blinded by sex, smooth talk, or a guy's "potential", I'm able to see what that person has to offer behind their "smoke and mirrors" persona. For example, my ex always bragged about how well he was doing and that he was such a big deal, and I actually believed all the hype about his "potential". Even the man I'd dated before him had "potential" in my eyes, and I thought being a good woman could motivate him to get it together — which was the dumbest sh*t I could've ever done.
Now, whenever I encounter any more "potentials", I make sure that I let it be known what I want when I'm dating — so they know it's to have a future, not a casual fling.
3. It provides a test to see who is real and down for my high standards versus "settling for good enough."
Celibacy gives me a clear mind and judgment while dating. It reveals that if a person really wants to be with me, he doesn't mind the fact that physical intimacy apart from kissing will not be brought to the table.
There are men wouldn't think twice to leave if they were to hear, "I like you, I like what we have going, but I'm strictly celibate and not giving myself up until after I'm married." I let them know up front and poof, they vanish. No more calls, no more texts, no form of communication whatsoever. That lets me know it's just not meant to be, and they were not strong enough to handle me and my choice.
4. Celibacy gives me discipline even when I may have trouble sticking to it.
Now with the weather warming up, I will be honest: I get really feisty. This will be the second spring and summer that will test my devotion to my celibacy vow and not let my hormones cloud my judgment. In the past, I've gone for what I wanted, but celibacy has provided me with a lot of discipline when tempted. Instead of caving in to the "craving," I find other ways to release my tension, like yoga, meditation, working out and freely speaking with my friends.
Over this time, I've grown to embrace and value my celibacy. It has only made me stronger and wiser about my decisions. Celibacy is a true struggle for me — because I'm not perfect and yes I get urges — but I know that once Mr. Right comes my way, it'll be well worth the wait.
I almost feel sorry for the energy levels he's going to require.