If he's interested in you, he will make it known.
I’ve been a dating and relationship coach for 8 years. At least half of all the emails I get are some version of the question women have been asking since they were 13 years old: "How do I tell if he likes me?", "He did or said x,y and z, does that mean he likes me?", and "Is he into me?"
And I get to tell them what they already know: If you have to ask, he’s probably not.
But… here’s the caveat... he might be, if you give him some time. But, because we are women and we want to KNOW NOW, this drives us bat shit crazy.
Men, unlike us, are pretty good staying in the information gathering stage until they see enough evidence that you might be The One. They don’t rush to figure it out in the first few dates like we do. They are happy to stay in discovery mode.
But not us. Noooooo. From the very first text, date. or email we start listing all the things that (we hope) are so great about him and might make him a great boyfriend or husband. We replay the date in our heads. We tell our girlfriends about what he did and didn’t say and do in excruciating detail!
We read his texts (or lack of) like they are the effing Rosetta Stone. If we can just crack the code, we will know his deepest thoughts, and intentions. We will be that much closer to figuring out if he’s THE ONE.
This female art of rumination is what makes us cray-cray when it comes to dating and men. And we must dial it down and learn to recognize the man-clues that they are giving us, from the very first interaction.
Once you know what to look for, you will know when he’s into you and when he’s not. More, importantly you will FEEL it. This is especially true for grown up men. They don’t play games. When they are in, they are in.
So…you want to know if he's into you? Here are the 4 signs to watch out for:
1. He keeps showing up.
He calls, texts, emails, and keeps asking you out. He is on time or he calls if he’s late. He may even try to nail down your second date while you are on your first. All good signs!
Remember though, he has a life (and you want him to, don’t you?). At the beginning, give him a little time between contacts. But once he has you on his "maybe she’s a keeper" radar, he will make it very clear he wants to spend more time with you.
2. He tries to make you happy.
He's thoughtful about your dates, planning something he thinks you will like, or he makes sure to ask you where you want to go. (When he does, thank him and suggest something you love that’s maybe out of the norm, like roller skating or museum and lunch.)
He's nice to your family, your friends, and your dog. He compliments you, he makes sure are warm enough and walks you to your car at night. These seem like small things, but they aren’t. These are very meaningful things men do to let you know they care about you.
Pay attention, look for these signs, and accept them graciously!
When you acknowledge his thoughtfulness, watch him. He will stand straighter and his eyes will light up. He’ll feel proud that he pleased you, and thrilled that you noticed and appreciated his efforts.
Seriously, it’s that easy to make him happy and reinforce his attentive behavior.
3. He tries to impress you.
This part can be a turn off if you don’t understand it. You may think him showing off is arrogant, self-absorbed or silly. And maybe he really is a jerk. But it’s more likely that this is his way to show you he is interested in you.
Like it or not, it pays to understand this and be open minded when a man you meet is fanning his feathers for you (think male peacock).
Men don’t generally try to impress women they don’t care about, so it’s almost a sure thing he’s into you. He wants you to notice and like him. So stop, let him have his moment and, for god sake, fight the urge to compete with him, sister!
Just pay attention with an open mind and heart. You may be pleasantly surprised! And, again, another good sign.
4. He shares with you.
When you're together or talking on the phone, he is present, happy and interested — most of the time anyway. (A bad day at work can make anyone grumpy or distracted. Don’t be too sensitive.)
He asks you how your day was and asks for your opinion. He remembers the name of the person in your office you can’t stand, knows what music you like and checks in with how your aging grandmother is doing. He tells you about his day, his plans and, in general, what he’s thinking.
(Sharing what he’s feeling… well, that may take some time. He’s a man after all.)
Men are the simple sex.
When grown up men care about you, they show it. When a grown up man is courting you, you know it. There's no mystery that will keep you up for many nights. There's no secret code in his emails to decipher. You don't need to read between the lines when you talk. And you're not going over and over what he really meant.
When he is interested, you will not have to ask, "Is he into me?" You will know. You will feel it.
Just give him some time, a little encouragement, and stay in discovery mode as long as possible. It will save your sanity and keep you present and open to all the man-clues he is sending your way.
The flip side is also simple. When he stops doing these things, he is not into you. Period. It takes two to tango and if he’s not showing up, trying to make you happy, etc. then the dance is over. Sorry.