Why Online Dating Is Not for You


Why Online Dating Is Not for You
Online dating is a great way for women 40+ to find & meet men, but for some it's not the way to go.

Last week I hosted a workshop called Get Online, Get Noticed, Get Dates, Exclusively for Women over 40. I had a fantastic time with these smart and lovely women who really want to meet their mate. It was a total blast, and they all left excited and feeling like they had the confidence and tools to get online and go for it.

I met my husband on Match.com, so of course I’m an advocate. I think it’s a great way for women over 40 to meet men. That said, I know online dating isn’t for everyone. In fact, I’m well aware that some women are very apprehensive about going online. I’ve heard it all: there are nothing but jerks out there, they all want women younger than me; I never meet men my age who are remotely attractive or interesting; chemistry has to happen in person so why waste time emailing and the other nonsense? Or, the ultimate “I’ve been online before and it sucked.”

I get that; I really do. Dating in itself can cause all kinds of anxiety. You have to allow yourself to be vulnerable and be open to rejection. It can often feel like you’re on display, acting desperate or being judged. So the idea of trying to do that successfully while online for (what seems like) the whole world to see definitely compounds the worry.

And you know what? That’s okay. If online dating is a turnoff to you, I completely understand your frustration. I was online on and off for about 10 years before meeting my husband, and most of the time my experience was like yours: it sucked. UNTIL I figured out how to do it in a different way, started enjoying it and then met My Man. (Remember: it only takes One!)

Before you make that final decision about online dating I want to get these points across:

1. If you have DECIDED online dating isn’t for you, then it’s not going to be.

2. If you have DECIDED that older guys aren’t for you, then none will be.

3. If you want a long term GROWNUP partner, there is a heck of a lot more to it than chemistry.

What you believe ends up being true, ladies. I cannot help you change what you’re currently experiencing unless you’re open to acknowledging that what you’re doing isn’t working and that it’s time to do things in a different way. Once you do that, I can most definitely teach and guide you to where you want to ultimately be–which I assume is in a lifetime relationship with a wonderful man.

Maybe online dating isn’t the way, but by discounting it as an option you’re missing out on a great way to meet men. If nothing else, online dating gives you practice and helps you meet some nice guys; WHEN you do it the right way and approach it with a positive attitude.

If you’re looking for that instant chemistry thing – and I hear this from clients all the time – you’re most likely going to remain single. Here’s the truth: instant chemistry doesn’t happen often, and when it does it usually fizzles as fast as it fires up. Chemistry is about superficial attraction. That doesn’t last, and it does all kinds of nutty things to our judgment.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer

Dating Coach

The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!


Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Bobbi Palmer:

Why Midlife Sex Is The Best Sex


Can I make a few assumptions? If you’re reading this you are most likely a woman over 40, single and looking. You are probably dating, or hoping to. You are either nearing menopause, in menopause or post-menopausal. Taken together, here’s what that tells me: You are facing the prospect of having new sexual partners. After all, you have hopes of ... Read more

Let's Get Physical, Or Should We? 5 Tips For Midlife Dating


Wanna hear your body talk? If the idea of having sex in your 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond is intimidating, you are not alone. I get a lot of questions about the whats and hows of having sex “in this day and age” and at this stage of life. You crave intimacy, but the last thing you want is to sleep with a guy and get hung up like an 18-year-old. ... Read more

3 “Ah-Ha!” Differences Between Dating Men And Boys


If you are a single woman in her 40s, 50s or beyond, I have a question for you: When you look at yourself today, are you the same person you were in your 20s or 30s? Have many of your priorities changed? Has experience taught you new life skills and shifted your perspective on things you previously held as absolute truth? And what about when it comes to ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Most Popular