Why Every Single Woman Should Use a Vibrator

Masturbation. There…I said it. The "Big M." I don't generally talk about this, so it may shock you. But the time has come to chat about the role sex – or lack thereof – plays in the life of a woman in her later years who is single and looking for love.

There are many circumstances that may render a woman celibate for extended periods of time, especially if she's a single woman over 40. The days of hooking up are over, and until she finds a meaningful relationship she's keeping her lovely legs crossed. She may have come out of a loveless, sexless marriage that lasted way too many years. Or maybe she's so scared of being rejected for her not-so-elastic skin that she persists in finding excuses to keep her clothes on. (This includes ending potentially good relationships to avoid getting naked.) Oh, and don't forget that she's menopausal: the icing on the cake!

The longer the span of celibacy extends, the more likely she is to hyperventilate at the thought of intimacy. So she keeps putting it off, and the clock keeps ticking.

She's had plenty of opportunities, thank you very much. She need only hop online, turn on her chat feature, sit back and wait for the conversations that start with "Do you like to kiss?" and move quickly to "So…what's your favorite position, baby?" She can get laid; she just doesn't want to.

Now…here is my very personal confession: "She" was me.

I married for the first time at age 47, and I went on hiatus many times during my 30 unmarried years. I am more than familiar with the sexual abyss. And now, as a Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40, I help many women move through this part of their life.

My experience is that life without touch and sex can lead to a woman feeling unattractive or even asexual. To adapt, we may convince ourselves that a life without sex is okay -- which creates the slippery slope to believing that life without a partner is okay.

Now in my 50s, I'm enjoying a wonderful life of love and intimacy with my husband. I can tell you honestly that I don't believe it's okay—or at least the best it can be – to have a life without sex and intimacy. At least for most of us.

Here is what a doctor once told my friend about this: use it or lose it! It makes some sense that the longer you go without stimulation and feeling sexual, the harder it will be to go for it when it comes along in the form of a loving partner.

So this is my advice on how you can rev up so you're ready for action: The Big M, girlfriend. The Big M!

Yep…I've been reading up on masturbation lately. There are so many positives about pleasuring yourself, especially if you are without a partner. Here are some facts: