What Looking for Love and Birthing a Baby Have in Common


What Looking for Love and Birthing a Baby Have in Common
Childbirth's a lot like finding a marriage material mate: some pain, and then bliss.

There are so many women I care deeply about —both friends and clients — who are holding themselves back from bringing love into their lives. Are you one of them? Are you saying "I want a fabulous man in my life" and "I know I'm a catch," yet not doing much to actually reach your self-described all-important goal? Are you doing the same routine each day, expecting things to be different? Are you staying closed in your head and your heart, unwilling to learn to better understand and love men...and yourself? If that's you, I can bet you haven't found him because of "Fear of Fill-in-the-blank." We all have different fears, but it comes down to the same thing: a big wall between us and what we want in life. And for you, it is to love and be loved.

Well, the New Year is starting. Let's face it, girls; the clock is ticking. I'm here to encourage you to get laser-focused on this goal and go for it. And the best way I know how to help you do this is to help alleviate your fears.

That's where childbirth comes in. (Stay with me on this one.)

I have no biological children of my own, so childbirth is kind of a foreign concept to me. One thing that's always stood out about the process is how a woman could be in such incredible pain and suddenly…POOF! She was A-Okay. It seems that once a gorgeous child enters the world, women forget both the pains of pregnancy and the horrors of childbirth. I can only guess it's because of the strength of their love for that child.

That describes exactly how I feel about dating and finding love. I was reminded of this last weekend as Larry and I shared two distinct but telling experiences.

On Sunday Larry and I were uploading images into iPhoto and spontaneously spent over an hour going through our honeymoon pictures, reliving our wonderful wedding and honeymoon. (It WAS amazing!) We took the opportunity to remind ourselves how lucky and loving we are. I kept thinking that it was such hard work to find this man, but now that I have it's changed my life...forever and for the better. Meeting him is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. It was through this lens that we made some decisions about where to go together in 2012.

On the flip side, the next day we moved my mother from an apartment she's been in for five years into a residential facility. It was a very emotional day for me and my brother, but Larry was right by my side the whole time. He worked his butt off physically by helping organize and move my mother's billions of things,. On top of that he really understood the emotional difficulty of the situation. He supported me even though there were multiple times he was frustrated beyond words at our slow pace. His patience with me is beyond what I should expect. And then he let me whine about the experience the whole way home. And most days thereafter. (I'm pretty sure I'm done. Thank you , honey.)

These two experiences—one that was heartwarming and one that was horrible—emphasized how incredibly fulfilling it is for me to have found a great grownup relationship with a good man.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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Bobbi Palmer

Dating Coach

The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!


Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
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