Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

What 100+ Single Men Think About Cheating, Love And YOU

Love, Self

Get inside the mind of a man.

The last few months I've been focused on men—who they are, what dating is like for them, what they want, what they mean when they say or do certain things, what they think about your body, and why they disappear.

As a matter of fact, last week we recorded a brand new panel of men with three totally mature, marriage minded, good looking guys. I can't wait for you to see and learn from it, and maybe even hook up with one of them. (Kidding)

So, why do I keep giving you the guy's perspective? Why do I have men guest write articles? Why do I keep educating and yes, harping, on why it's important you really understanding and gaining empathy for men?

Men want to connect with us as much as we want to connect with them. But so often we both miss the mark and we both end up frustrated and alone.

Every time I go down this "you gotta understand men more" road I eventually get somewhat angry emails asking, "Bobbi, what about us? What about what we want and need? What about empathy for us? Why aren't you teaching men how to understand us and make us happy?" (Often it's followed by something like "men are the ones who need this help, not US!")

Well … the truth is that we ALL need to learn more about each other. And, yes, I know I'm a coach for WOMEN, right?

Right! I am YOUR COACH, which is exactly why I focus so much on men. You already know about women! (Although I do work hard to also help you learn a heck of a lot more about yourself.)

I assume that it is your goal to find the perfect man for you and be with him for life. So, it follows that the more you truly understand men, the easier it will be for you to attract the right one, choose the right one and finally live happily ever after.

And by the way, I'm not saying all guys over 40 think, feel, and act the same way. But the GROWNUP ones, the ones YOU want, have many similar qualities. These are the guys I focus on and the guys I help you get to know in a meaningful and compassionate way.

While we can't control men, we can control ourselves. And I firmly believe knowledge is power. And, when I focus on men, I'm giving you the power.

Talk show host and author Steve Harvey airs a lot of shows about dating and finding love. I agree with a lot of what he teaches (definitely not ALL of it), and I love that he addresses this man-woman thing so often and so directly. Now that I've been a guest twice on the Today Show it's my not-so-secret goal to be a guest on his show and really laser focus on the single woman who is dating in her 40s, 50s and beyond. (Can you please write him and let him know he needs me to be an expert on his show? Are you listening Steve?) Last week Steve did a fantastic show about what men really want.

He surveyed 100 single men about love and sex and here are some of the things he found out.

1. Why do men cheat?

  •  Lack of sex 25%
  • Emotional Detachment 75%

This didn't surprise me at all. How about you? Men don't wander because they just want to get laid. Most often they do it because they are lacking real emotional connection in their relationship.

2. Why is it easy for a man to move on after a relationship?

  • It’s not easier. We make it look that way. 66%
  • We were never attached. 5%
  • When we know you’re not the one, we’re done. 29%

Hello! We teach men not to show their emotions. They don't run to pick up the phone to cry to their buddy when they get dumped like we do with our girlfriends. And even if they want to, many really don't know how. I encourage you not to take a man's stoic response at things as a sign of not caring or not feeling. Maybe you just need to help him learn to express it.

3. When caught in a lie why do men refuse to admit the truth?

  • Admitting the truth is admitting defeat. 31%
  • If I hold my ground she might believe me. 26%
  • I hate being wrong. 12%

4. Other than love, what do you feel is the most important thing you can give a woman?

  • Loyalty
  • Respect
  • Honesty
  • Time
  • Security

Isn't that so beautiful? These were the top things men want to give us! And in all my work learning more about men, I can say this goes double for these guys.

Steve also asked men what they really want to know about women. Here is the clip. He makes it funny but based on all the men I've surveyed and known, this is all true. You can learn a lot from this too. (And hey, when you watch maybe you can leave a comment to let him know I sent you there.)

I'm going to keep on giving you this type of information about men. Just remember, that when I do, I am doing it for you. Not to tell you that it's only your job to understand the opposite sex, but to further empower you, the over 40 single woman who knows so much about life and has so much compassion, but maybe needs to extend that wisdom and loving nature to this part of your life.

I'd love to know what you think of the answers to his questions. Surprised? Do you have any experiences that you want to share to help us learn more about men in this way? I want to hear from you.

Bobbi Palmer, founder of Date Like A Grownup, is an internationally recognized Expert helping women over 40 find grownup, lasting, passionate love with the right man. As a first time bride at 47, Bobbi shares in her free video series "The 4 Devastating Mistakes Women in their Search for Love" at

This article was originally published at Date Like a GrownUp. Reprinted with permission from the author.


Explore YourTango