Two Simple Thoughts That Will Change the Way You Date


Two Simple Thoughts That Will Change the Way You Date

So…take off those rose-colored glasses. This is the lens you look through when you’re always hoping he’s The One. And if, by chance, a second date comes up, the lenses can go a deep hot Pink. That’s what starts us searching for signs of hope and connection with every word and action.

We can find the silliest things to validate our belief that he’s special…and this could be IT. I’ll confess: on my first real date with Larry, when I saw his CD collection in his car, I thought, “Oh geez…he could be the one! We can talk so openly, and he loves all the same music I do…and we read the same authors! What a great sign!”


And then…fast-forward an hour…and he did something that really bugged me. (Out of respect to him, I’ll keep this detail to myself.) And in an instant I thought, “Deal breaker. That’s it; another one bites the dust.”

All of the sudden I was looking through a different color lens: maybe black. I set out on the path to uncovering his fatal flaw.

I went from planning our wedding to “Here we go again – another disappointment” within 60 minutes. It was getting distracting and exhausting. So I recalled the lessons I had been learning and I took off the glasses. I let all that judgment go. I just told myself to enjoy being with him “tonight” and see where it goes.

Thankfully, I was able to turn off the voices in my head and not jam him into a “he’s the one or not the one” slot. I was able to give us both the breathing room to really learn about each other. It didn’t take long for us to fall in love. (Apparently it took him about two weeks. Men can be so much smarter that us at this stuff.) Larry absolutely was and is the man of my dreams. I am so grateful that I was able to remove my glasses and see him for the man he is.


I know it’s so hard to keep our expectations, hopes and dreams in check. But please go into your early dates with the attitude of just getting to know him and how he might enhance your life. Take the pressure off of both you and just be open without the burden of having to come out of it with a thumbs up or down. Take off those glasses, put your expectations on hold, and you might actually DISCOVER who your date is before you DECIDE who he is. How refreshing (and relaxing) is that!

This article was originally published at Date Like A Grownup. Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer

Dating Coach

The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!


Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Bobbi Palmer:

Holiday Gift Giving Tips For The Mature, Single And Dating


It’s The Holidays. That oh so awkward time for those who are single, dating or in a new relationship. Yah, you’re dating after 40, but you may still have the same questions about gift giving that you had when you were 20: Do I give him a gift? If so, what? What if I get him something and he doesn’t get me anything? Or vice versa? If ... Read more

What 100+ Single Men Think About Cheating, Love And YOU


The last few months I've been focused on men—who they are, what dating is like for them, what they want, what they mean when they say or do certain things, what they think about your body, and why they disappear. As a matter of fact, last week we recorded a brand new panel of men with three totally mature, marriage minded, good looking guys. I ... Read more

Think Like A Man? No, But You'll Be Happier If You Date Like One!


Emotional exhaustion. Hopelessness. Hating men and/or yourself. That is what you experience when women are dating the wrong way. You start to feel like it’s just not worth all the nonsense, hurt and disappointment. Why bother? You have a pretty good life, so why are you bothering? I’ll tell you why: Because you have to date if you want love ... Read more

See More

My Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular