Two Simple Thoughts That Will Change the Way You Date


Two Simple Thoughts That Will Change the Way You Date

So…take off those rose-colored glasses. This is the lens you look through when you’re always hoping he’s The One. And if, by chance, a second date comes up, the lenses can go a deep hot Pink. That’s what starts us searching for signs of hope and connection with every word and action.

We can find the silliest things to validate our belief that he’s special…and this could be IT. I’ll confess: on my first real date with Larry, when I saw his CD collection in his car, I thought, “Oh geez…he could be the one! We can talk so openly, and he loves all the same music I do…and we read the same authors! What a great sign!”

And then…fast-forward an hour…and he did something that really bugged me. (Out of respect to him, I’ll keep this detail to myself.) And in an instant I thought, “Deal breaker. That’s it; another one bites the dust.”

All of the sudden I was looking through a different color lens: maybe black. I set out on the path to uncovering his fatal flaw.

I went from planning our wedding to “Here we go again – another disappointment” within 60 minutes. It was getting distracting and exhausting. So I recalled the lessons I had been learning and I took off the glasses. I let all that judgment go. I just told myself to enjoy being with him “tonight” and see where it goes.

Thankfully, I was able to turn off the voices in my head and not jam him into a “he’s the one or not the one” slot. I was able to give us both the breathing room to really learn about each other. It didn’t take long for us to fall in love. (Apparently it took him about two weeks. Men can be so much smarter that us at this stuff.) Larry absolutely was and is the man of my dreams. I am so grateful that I was able to remove my glasses and see him for the man he is.


I know it’s so hard to keep our expectations, hopes and dreams in check. But please go into your early dates with the attitude of just getting to know him and how he might enhance your life. Take the pressure off of both you and just be open without the burden of having to come out of it with a thumbs up or down. Take off those glasses, put your expectations on hold, and you might actually DISCOVER who your date is before you DECIDE who he is. How refreshing (and relaxing) is that!

This article was originally published at Date Like A Grownup. Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer

Dating Coach

The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!


Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Bobbi Palmer:

4 Ways To Learn About His Past Relationships Without Being Sneaky


The general belief is that you learn a lot about someone by knowing their relationship history. Find out the details about his marriages and romances that didn't work out and you'll get a good idea of whether or not he's relationship worthy, right? When we're dating after 40, the men we're meeting have decades of this history. They can ... Read more

The Happy Truth About Men & Commitment (and Clooney’s Wedding)


When I say these two words — MEN and COMMITMENT — what comes to mind? Men are commitment phoebes? Men are afraid of marriage? Men just want the milk without buying the cow? Anything like this pop into your brain? A lot of women — especially women who are dating over 40 — believe that men are far more interested in getting ... Read more

A Single Man's Thoughts About Your Body (Part 1)


This post is from a 50-something anonymous Man-Fan.  He took his time to share his experience and point of view on what grownup men find attractive in women. I absolutely love what he’s sharing with you. Soak it up! And thank you Mr. Anonymous! As a woman, how do you determine if men find you attractive? Do you compare yourself against what you ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Most Popular