Turning Dating Fear into Fun


Turning Dating Fear into Fun
Learn to step up and take control of your online dating so you don't experience fear or trepidation.

When you think of dating – especially if you're ready to try online dating – do you experience any fear? Do you get even a tiny twinge of trepidation or terror?

If your answer is "yes," you are not alone. In fact, I think you're among the majority.
The women I'm coaching often tell me about situations they describe as "scary." Here are some examples:


• He wants to meet in person after just one email.
• He asked her where she lived.
• He's beginning to get touchier and seems to want sex; she likes him but is not ready.
• He texted her with a question loaded with sexual innuendo.

I get it. When I was dating, some of this scared me, too. I remember thinking "Crap! What do I do?" and feeling super uncomfortable.

Now, as an amazingly happily married woman, I can look back and see that I actually felt fear. Real, physical fear. And now I know why: because I felt out of control.

In these situations I felt like I was not in charge. I felt somewhat powerless. That was definitely not a place where I was at all happy.

So I learned to take control of the process. That's what I teach my clients, and I recommend you do that as well.

Note what I said: Take control of the process. I didn't say the people or the relationships. You have no control over what other people do, but you have 100% control over what you do, right?

Here are a few ways to get that control:

• Know and honor yourself.
• Be clear about what you want in a man and a relationship, and do not compromise on your must-haves.
• Visualize and/or plan how you would like to meet, date and relate with men.
• Establish your boundaries and stick to them.
• Learn how to communicate your boundaries and essential needs.
• Be ready to leave if, after clear and kind communication, he does not agree to meet your needs.
• Respect the men you meet and treat them kindly—and expect the same in return.

If these are not in your current dating repertoire, I encourage you to commit to doing what it takes to get there. You will most likely need to do some honest self-reflection and make a renewed commitment to learning and growing.

The payoff is gigantic. You will become more open to meeting men, feel more relaxed when you are with them, and make much better choices in the men you choose to spend time with. Men – at least the good guys – will respect you for knowing what you want and taking care of yourself.

That's all good stuff, but here is the most important part: You will feel an incredible love and respect for yourself.

This is about taking care of yourself and realizing you can date the way you want to date. Again, you can't (and don't want to) control other people, but you can absolutely control the most significant elements of your experience.

You don't have to be afraid, because you are a smart, in control, magnificent woman. let men know it!

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer

Dating Coach

The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!


Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Bobbi Palmer:

Holiday Gift Giving Tips For The Mature, Single And Dating


It’s The Holidays. That oh so awkward time for those who are single, dating or in a new relationship. Yah, you’re dating after 40, but you may still have the same questions about gift giving that you had when you were 20: Do I give him a gift? If so, what? What if I get him something and he doesn’t get me anything? Or vice versa? If ... Read more

What 100+ Single Men Think About Cheating, Love And YOU


The last few months I've been focused on men—who they are, what dating is like for them, what they want, what they mean when they say or do certain things, what they think about your body, and why they disappear. As a matter of fact, last week we recorded a brand new panel of men with three totally mature, marriage minded, good looking guys. I ... Read more

Think Like A Man? No, But You'll Be Happier If You Date Like One!


Emotional exhaustion. Hopelessness. Hating men and/or yourself. That is what you experience when women are dating the wrong way. You start to feel like it’s just not worth all the nonsense, hurt and disappointment. Why bother? You have a pretty good life, so why are you bothering? I’ll tell you why: Because you have to date if you want love ... Read more

See More

My Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular