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Why There Are No Quality Men to Date


Why There Are No Quality Men to Date

Dating can be a real pain in the butt, right? It can be a lot of work that leads to a lot of nothing. And when you are dating over 40 it gets even worse. I conducted a survey recently and asked women over 40 what their biggest challenge was when they date. The #1 response by a landslide was: I’m not meeting quality men.

Can you relate?? I hear this from my coaching clients all the time. I’m tired of meeting losers. All the good ones are gay or taken. All the men I meet are bald, boring, messy, sex-crazed, they are too this, not enough that. And the most common: I just don’t feel a spark with any men I’m meeting.

More from YourTango: It's An Art: Exactly What To Say To Men In Difficult Situations

Yah, I know. Not having quality men to date really sucks. 

It WOULD suck, that is …IF it were true. The idea that there aren’t any quality men is a myth. There are about 45 million single men over the age of 35 in the United States. About 8 million are over 65. There are about 7 million single men in There are lots of single men. 

I searched on www.match.com for men over 40, taller than 5'7", college educated, non-smoking, occasional drinker, making $75,000+. Within only 30 miles of my house there are over 2000 of these guys. 2000!

No quality men, indeed. And you only need ONE.

So listen, there are things you can do to start meeting good men tomorrow. Because if you keep assuming every guy you meet is going to be a loser; he will be. You seem to get what you expect in life. If you find yourself meeting men who never seem to interest you or warrant another date, if you have stopped dating because you’re “tired of meeting losers”…here’s some advice from a gal who has been there, and now enjoys a stellar relationship with the perfect man…for me.

1. Be a good picker. Know what you want and must have, and make sure it’s the Grownup You doing the picking; not the 18 year old who still expects all kinds of wacky things that no longer matter and are unrealistic qualities for grownup men to have. Be willing to forgo the idea of perfection and find a REAL man. He doesn’t have to be flawless to rock your world. (And btw how flawless are you? We’ll discuss that later.)

2. Give him a chance to prove himself. DO NOT tell me that you can tell in the first 10 minutes whether a man is a potential suitor or life partner. If I hear this one more time….I’m going to burst. Unless he spits when he talks, smells or is drunk; give him a chance.

As I say in my eBook Confessions of the World’s Worst Dater: Her 7 Secrets to Finally Finding Love After 40: quick judgments are often a response to a lot of things that have nothing to do with the man sitting in front of you. Quickly dismissing the men you meet is most often about self-protection and living past experiences in the present.

I mean, after all, if every man you meet is unworthy then there is no risk you’ll actually start dating or get in a relationship! Yep, that’s a surefire way to avoid ever being hurt or rejected.

More from YourTango: Should Women Be Responsible For Confirming Their Dates With Men?

Look, I was the master of this, sister, but finally learned how I consistently self sabotaged. And when I saw it, and dealt with it, my life changed.

I had epiphanies. I realized I was creating all kinds of "realities" to keep me from getting hurt and being disappointed. That realization, and the acceptance of the real truth, led me to true and amazing love. I want you to go there with me.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer


The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!


Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Bobbi Palmer:

It's An Art: Exactly What To Say To Men In Difficult Situations


In dating, good communication is the key to meeting and attracting men … especially the right men. It's also the key to developing and maintaining fulfilling relationships. When you love on purpose, you communicate on purpose. One of the most important ways I support my coaching clients is by helping them communicate well with men. Online or ... Read more

Should Women Be Responsible For Confirming Their Dates With Men?


It's Monday and you're talking on the phone with a nice guy you're interested in. After some chit-chat he finally asks you out on a date. It goes something like this: Nice Guy: Do you want to go out for dinner Saturday night? You: Yes, that would be nice. Nice Guy: Okay, I'll call you later in the week to firm up the plans. I'm ... Read more

Dating Rules That Change With Age


“If it were a snake, it would ‘a bit ya!” That’s what Ethel Mertz always said to her husband Fred (Lucy Ricardo’s neighbors in I Love Lucy) when he’d wander around looking for his glasses – which were always on top of his head.  Well, this is what I could have said to my client Carol who hired me to help her ... Read more

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