Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

Ten Terrific Tips To Change How You Think About Dating

Flirting
Love, Self

Little or no success with dating? Kick start positive change with these ten tips!

Everyone survived Valentine's Day without moping about her singlehood, right? Let's make this your last February fourteenth without a great guy by your side!

To do that, you’re going to have to make some changes. Put simply, stagnation is never good. When you refuse to change or embrace new challenges, you’re not going to get any of the good stuff that comes with opening yourself up to new experiences.

What’s keeping you from doing that? If you’re reading this, I can only assume you want to find a fantastic man to share your life with. How long have you been on the soul mate search?

If you keep doing the same things the same way, your situation isn’t going to change. If a rabble of Mr. Rights haven’t been beating down your door, then logic dictates it’s time to try something else.

Chances are pretty good that your long-term singlehood has meant you’ve built a lovely life for yourself. I’d be willing to bet you’re happy with who you are on a basic level, but wouldn’t you love to be extraordinary? That’s how it’s going to play out if you find that special someone to share your days and nights with.

But I know that’s not how it is right now. You have to step up to the plate and make it happen. Setting out with that intention means accepting that you’re going to have to do a little growing and learning.

To find the man who’s going to be your perfect partner and best friend, you’re going to have to commit to becoming the absolute best “you” that you possibly can. I speak from experience, ladies. For almost three decades I lived with an “I’m-happy-without-a-man-but-I-sure-would-like-to-have-one” attitude. I waited for Mr. Right to stumble across my path, believing I’d eventually nab a guy who was perfect for me.

But over time, I got bored, frustrated and just a little bit angry at this approach. That’s when I admitted to myself that I’d have to be way more proactive. I committed to making some fundamental changes in my lifestyle and in myself, and now I’m married to the man of my dreams.

Want to know how I did it? To find the man who brought untold love and affection into my life, I had to do things differently. You can do the same thing.

Don’t panic yet! Your change doesn’t have to life-altering or desperately drastic. Take baby steps, changing things just a little at a time to see how the shift feels. Take the time to determine how it impacts your daily experience and the way you feel about it.

Here are ten tips to get you started.

They’re all simple, so don’t limit yourself to choosing just one. The more you try, the more success you’ll find!

1. Ask for a man’s assistance with something. It can be something as simple as giving you directions or recommending a good book. When he helps you (And don’t think for a minute that men don’t love it when a woman asks for help with something simple.), make sure you offer a sincere smile and a gracious thank you.

2. Take the time to do something sweet for a man you just met. Offer a compliment on his cufflinks or tell him you love the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs. A simple sincere communication of this sort will stay with him, and he’ll revel in the memory for a week.

3. Ask the man behind you in line a simple, no-brainer question. Ask him what he’s going to make with the Roma tomatoes and olive oil in his grocery basket.

4. Approach a woman who’s striking style you admire and ask her what salon she uses. Then make an appointment for a new hairstyle or a girly manicure.

5. Talk to two men you trust and ask them to give you an example of one thing they wish every woman knew about dating. Take their insight to heart, and explore how you can make it work for you.

6. Scope out the singles events in your locale or online and sign up. Google will come through for you if you put in something as simple as “singles book club+[your city].”

7. Buy a new bra that’s feminine as well as functional. While you’re at the department store, swing through the lingerie and see what strikes your fancy.

8. The next time you see an attractive man—whether you’re in line at the DMV or sitting on a park bench enjoying a brown bag lunch—make eye contact for three full seconds. Don’t forget to give a little smile.

9. Talk with three people whose judgment you trust and tell them you’re ready to find a great guy. Then ask each to help you meet two new men. That’s six potential dates—and one of them may change your life!

10. Shave your legs and put on some lipstick. You’ll instantly feel more attractive—and men you meet will notice that confidence.

I said I’d give you ten tips, but I’m feeling generous and want to give you an extra. Starting today, you have to do one more incredibly important thing differently: stop listening to the voice in your head that’s been steering you wrong regarding how you respond to men and handle relationships with them. I know you know what I’m talking about. This is the voice that says, “I’m too tired/shy/embarrassed/scared to say something to a man I’ve never met at the gym.”

Ignore that voice; in fact, silence it altogether—if only for one day. This kind of self-talk sabotage isn’t doing you any good, and it’s probably doing you some harm. It won’t be easy to do at first, but with practice you can banish those negative self-fulfilling prophecies.

One small step today can set you off on a journey of incredible change and fulfillment tomorrow. Set the intention to feel powerful, look pretty, connect with others and learn something new about yourself. I promise you it won’t be so scary as you think to change your approach. Prepare for some delightful discoveries about yourself, and be sure to have fun along the way!

Bobbi Palmer, founder of Date Like A Grownup, is an internationally recognized Expert helping women over 40 find grownup, lasting, passionate love with the right man. As a first time bride at 47, Bobbi shares in her free video series "The 4 Devastating Mistakes Women in their Search for Love" at DateLikeaGrownup.com.

 

This article was originally published at Date Like A Grownup. Reprinted with permission from the author.

Explore YourTango

MOST POPULAR