Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

Should you Trust Your Instincts? Beats Me.

“Intuition is truly a feminine quality, but women should not mistake rash conclusions for this gift.” Minna Antrim

The other day I was listening to my friend tell me about her 25 minute “date” with this guy “who had nothing going for him.” As she’s talking I’m thinking: WTF?! So I ask her how she could possibly conclude anything about someone in 25 minutes? Her response: I trust my intuition; it’s always right.

Well sure it seems to always be right. When it tells you that just about every man you meet isn’t for you and you walk away…you ensure that you have no proof that you’re wrong. But that doesn’t mean that you’re right, girlfriend.

I’ve been resisting writing about this because to be honest: I’m often stumped as to how to advise on this topic. It’s like the “when should I have sex” question. There’s no correct answer. (Tho’ you should read my post about this; it gives you specific steps to help you make a good decision about sleeping with him.)

The definition of intuition is the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.

Do I think intuition can play a part of making a decision? Yes. Do I think it can be used as the sole basis of a decision? Nope; unless you have a very special gift of clairvoyance.

Let’s be honest: the “intuition” that tells you after 10 minutes that he’s not for you is simply telling you that you can’t imagine kissing him, and certainly being in bed with him.

So here’s what I’ll tell you: slow down and gather some information before you judge and bolt. Approach meeting men with the kindness, openness, and the self-awareness of a grown-up woman looking for a meaningful relationship. (That is you, isn’t it?)

Pay attention to your instincts, but check yourself to make sure you’re not just judging on superficial nonsense. Yes…it’s what I said: nonsense. I can’t tell you how many times women tell me that after an hour or so with a man he started looking more attractive to her. Or after I force a client to date a guy with a different look than they’re used to, they tell me how glad they are to have done it.

This is my story, btw. If I had gone with my immediate instincts when I met Larry I’d still be online looking for advice rather than here giving it. Thank goodness I hung around to find out what an incredibly loving and hot man he is.

Finding a good man is just too important to treat superficially. Don’t let the good ones get away. Find your balance. Be open and smart about this. Give him – and yourself – a chance to really see the guy sitting in front of you.

Then, make your decision with your head and your heart.

And btw, this friend of mine I told you about…she’s been dating for about 3 years with absolutely no good results. Turns out that she’s “just not meeting quality men.” Ummm…yah, riiiiight.

From our Partners

Explore YourTango

MOST POPULAR