Which is exactly what I recommended Carol do: pull down the glasses from the top of her head and see and embrace the man who was right in front of her! Her husband was a good man who loved her deeply, so she knew what love looked and felt like. And she knew she was ready for love again.
Once she let go of the “should” of having to date lots of guys first, she was clear that her next great love was standing right in front of her.
I'm so happy to say that Carol and Hugh just celebrated their first wedding anniversary. (I do a little happy dance every time I think about them. To think she wanted to break up with him!)
I wish I could say there is a perfect guy for you already in your life. That would be nice, right? He may not be right in front of you, but I'm convinced he's closer than you think. Often what you need is staring you right in the face, whether it's loving feedback from a trusted friend, information that will get you where you want to go, or a kind word from a co-worker, or even true love.
So here's some homework: What “shoulds” are getting in your way of finding the man who will adore you for the rest of your life? What do you believe to be true that is holding you back? What are you looking for that might be right in front of you? Maybe it's not the man himself but rather the advice or the information you need to lead you right to him. (H-e-l-l-o…I'm raising my hand here!)
A student of Zen Buddhism would say ”When the student is ready the teacher appears” or “True happiness is wanting what you already have.” Or, as Ethel Mertz puts it, “If it were a snake, it would 'a bit ya.”