Should I Waste My Time Meeting or Dating an “Imperfect” Guy?

30 minutes. That’s about how long you generally have to “get to know” a man before deciding to have a cup of coffee or date with him. You meet online, or at the local bank, and that’s about it.

But he seems imperfect. He’s clearly missing one of your must-haves. Should you gracefully decline? After all, you have very little time to waste, right?

We all have a list, or at least a vision of the perfect guy. He’s probably hysterically funny, always interested in your happiness, openly shows that you rock his world, and shares your love of [art, music, astronomy, etc.] Oh, and I’m sure he’s taller than you.

When you have a chance to meet a guy, but he sure doesn’t seem like all that, is it a waste of time?

One of my blog readers sent me an email asking that question. I hear forms of this so often, so I thought I’d share our emails. Please read on if you find that the men you’re meeting aren’t living up to your standards.

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Hi Bobbi,

I answered an email from a guy on Plenty of Fish.com He met all my minimum requirements ie: he contacted first, nice, not too long or mushy email, commented on my smile and what it showed of my characteristics. I was impressed. I’m going out with him even though he’s not as tall as I like (he’s 5’7 as am I and hopefully he’s not stretching it!).

He wrote that it seemed I was looking for someone special and not a “one night stand.” I responded by saying he was right on with his assumptions. I told him if after that he’s still interested let me know and I will give him my number.

He replied that he was still interested and I gave him my number, He didn’t call for about 4 or 5 days but sent me a message through the website saying he was sorry he didn’t call and soon as he got a breather from work he would call. He finally called last night and we set up a meeting for Friday (for a drink) at 6:45pm.

I know it’s just a meeting, but just need your expert opinion: I’m not too impressed that he took so long to call. And he is 42 and I am 51. Am I wasting my time?

Thanks so much,

Natalie

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Hi Natalie:

In a word: NO. Age really isn’t that important. Life experience and lifestyle are what usually end up counting.

I know a lot of us have “rules” about age; but I encourage my coaching clients to be open about this. Especially at our ages. My husband is 10 years older than I. He was out of my search range, but here I am, happy as a clam. (Thank goodness he didn’t care!)

Doesn’t this man know your age? It obviously doesn’t bother him.

Don’t get too stuck on a guy not calling right away. For many of them, until they meet you they feel they have no skin in the game. (Unlike us who can imagine ourselves married to a piece of paper.)

It’s pretty easy to slide you aside because he doesn’t even know you. It has nothing to do with you. And don’t think it measures his interest in any meaningful way. How many guys have shown great interest and then dumped ya like a hot potata? So don’t put much emphasis on this beginning part when it comes to the order in which he meets you. It’s what happens after that counts.

And, Natalie, I know you didn’t ask, but I have a little more advice:

I want none of that “if you’re still interested” stuff! That is something that comes from a woman who is insecure and apologetic about asking for what she wants. You are neither.