Doing these will have him calling you back ASAP!
I can answer this in three words: You’re not memorable.
Yep, I said skill.
You’re not 18 anymore, and the men you're interested in (or should be) are mature men of depth. They have busy lives (like you) and would probably rather be single than in a bad relationship (like you).
Contrary to many women’s beliefs, these men don’t ask out a woman just because they think she’s pretty. Remember, we are talking about mature "good guys" here.
Think about it: if only the gorgeous girls got dates, that would cover about 5 percent of the population. So how did the rest of us "normal folk" hook up? We talked, found each other attractive, and decided to continue talking.
Yes, men want some attraction towards you, but they are also looking for more. Like you, they want to connect with someone with whom they can share some fun, great conversation, interests and values. You need to be able to show them you are that woman.
Fabulous men in our age range have many choices. And remember that they are probably fine alone. So if you want to get that date, show him that you’re intriguing, interesting and nice to be around.
Make it more than a "she was nice" experience for him. Have him walk away thinking, "Hmmmm…I want to see her again." Here are five ways to make yourself memorable:
1. Stick to the good stuff.
You know how important first impressions are. When you connect, make it a 100 percent positive experience.
Don’t bond on the bad stuff. It may seem great that you both had crappy divorces or hate your jobs, but that discussion will negatively tinge the rest of your conversation. Gracefully steer the conversation away from any talk like this.
It takes some skill to do this, but it will be worth learning. I teach this to all my coaching clients, and it instantly makes a difference in the quality of their dates.
2. Focus on him, but not too much.
We think a man really digs it when we let him talk endlessly about himself. He does — in the moment. If he does all the talking, however, here’s what can happen:
- He leaves knowing nothing about you except that you’re a good listener. And that’s probably not at the top of his list for a mate.
- When he realizes he shared too much, he will either see you as an interrogator or feel anxious about telling you too much.
It doesn't matter which of these you're guilty of, because they both of the same end result: he likely won't call you for a second date.
3. Get out that shiny stuff.
Help him get to know you and why you're a good match. Get those yummy nuggets out!
Drop into the conversation that you are learning how to swing dance, are volunteering at the local animal shelter, went to Tahiti, etc. These things tell him a lot about you.
If you don't think you have interesting and intriguing things to share, I promise you do. Your story will attract the right guy; you just have to know how to tell it. If you need to, get a friend or a coach to help draw out your nuggets. You need to be armed and ready to go when opportunities arise!
4. Always leave him wanting more
A common complaint from men is that we talk too much. (Imagine that!?!?) Many of us also have a love affair with the details of any story. Men hate that, too.
You want him to learn about you, and you him. Keep the conversation high-level and direct. When you share something that connects you, tell him just enough so he knows it and wants to learn more.
5. Close in a bold and specific way — but not too much.
Like us, many men have fears and insecurities. They also don't want to work too hard to connect. (Remember, they have lots of choices.)
Let him know you're interested. Forget the "I had a nice time" line. Everyone says that; it's a throw-away. Instead, be direct and clear: "Bob, I had a great time with you and would love to do it again." Then Bob has the next move.
Dump the "I never get asked out because I'm not pretty enough" stuff.
You're full of fantastic traits that will draw men to you, but you have to let them know you possess them! Make yourself memorable and discover other ways to behave on first dates with men. Then wait for that phone to ring for the second date!