Nine Ways to Make Your Date Great (in the First Ten Minutes!)

By

Nine Ways to Make Your Date Great (in the First Ten Minutes!)
Every date is a spectacular opportunity. Don't be a date waster!

The first 10 minutes of a date often determine whether a second date is even going to happen. And let's face it: second dates are not the norm for many. That was definitely my story until I learned about (what I now call) "Date Waste."

Date waste is when a date is a drag but has little to do with whether you're a potential match. It's a drag simply because neither of you set the date up to succeed. These aren't the dates with jerks that you can't wait to end. They're the ones that are just a little boring, lack sparks, or just go nowhere. You can turn these into very positive experiences.

I see date waste all the time when I'm coaching, and I lived it for years. When I accepted that every date was part of the journey and not just a means to an end, my life changed. Every date is an opportunity. You can talk to a nice person, learn something new, get much-needed practice, and maybe connect with someone you want to know just a little better. It doesn't have to be "Oh, he's The One!" or nothing.

Here are nine things you can do in the first 10 minutes of each date to make it a positive experience and begin to eliminate date waste from your life.

  • Go in with the "I hope I like him" attitude. We usually approach meeting men with the "I hope he likes me" feeling. Start with whether he seems to be someone you like. This stops you from trying to read his mind and focuses you on what really counts: how you feel being with him.
  • Find three things you like about him. Fight your habit to lead with the negative. Find reasons he can be ON your list rather than why you should check him off. It can be his timeliness, his smile, the restaurant he chose; what do you like about him?
  • Compliment him. There's a chance he's nervous and feeling a little funky. Give him a sincere compliment early on to start off on a positive note. This will help him loosen up and, besides, it's just nice!
  • Think of it as practice. Every meeting is practice that brings you closer to Mr. I Love You. Statistically, your date won’t turn out to be him. So what? Here's a chance to learn more about dating, men and yourself. After each date, jot down what you learned and apply that next time. See how no date is a waste?
  • Dump your agenda. Don't let it ruin your time if, in the first 10 minutes, he doesn’t appear to be your man. Just relax and be open to what comes up. You never know; you may just let yourself relax into a very nice feeling.
  • Ask the right questions. It's important to stay positive and put your best food forward. Avoid questions that lead to negative chatter. "So how's the online dating thing going for you?" stings of the negative. How about "I liked what you said on the phone about [fill-in-the-blank]…I'd love to hear more."
  • Quiet those dang gremlins. We all have them: the voices that tell us we aren't good enough or it's not worth it. When these voices rear their ugly heads, take a deep breath and tell yourself "this is an opportunity I don't want to miss." (There are very effective ways you can learn to manage your gremlins and limiting beliefs.
This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer

Dating Coach

The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!
 


 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Bobbi Palmer:

Why Midlife Sex Is The Best Sex

By

Can I make a few assumptions? If you’re reading this you are most likely a woman over 40, single and looking. You are probably dating, or hoping to. You are either nearing menopause, in menopause or post-menopausal. Taken together, here’s what that tells me: You are facing the prospect of having new sexual partners. After all, you have hopes of ... Read more

Let's Get Physical, Or Should We? 5 Tips For Midlife Dating

By

Wanna hear your body talk? If the idea of having sex in your 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond is intimidating, you are not alone. I get a lot of questions about the whats and hows of having sex “in this day and age” and at this stage of life. You crave intimacy, but the last thing you want is to sleep with a guy and get hung up like an 18-year-old. ... Read more

3 “Ah-Ha!” Differences Between Dating Men And Boys

By

If you are a single woman in her 40s, 50s or beyond, I have a question for you: When you look at yourself today, are you the same person you were in your 20s or 30s? Have many of your priorities changed? Has experience taught you new life skills and shifted your perspective on things you previously held as absolute truth? And what about when it comes to ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS