I have many coaching clients who tell me that they have great friendships with men but don't get asked out very often; if at all. They are dating in their 40s, 50s and beyond, and this has been a pattern for them throughout their lives.
This "married men love me but I can't get a date" situation was the story of my life before I married at 47. Looking back at my experience, as well as that of my clients, I can see these two scenarios:
1. You talk to men and they seem to like you, but none ask you out.
2. While you don't connect with single men, the married and attached men adore you. In fact, they tell you they can't figure out why you haven't met a fantastic man yet. They are simply dumbfounded because they think you are such a great catch!
Are you living this dating dilema? This was 100% my story when I was single. I had tons of men who really dug me. They thought I was smart and fun...some even thought I was quite hot. But none happened to be single and looking for love.
Here are two simple reasons why we have good relationships with married men, but no dates:
1. You aren't getting asked out because you are connecting with your masculine energy.
Men think of you as a pal. Start working on expressing your lovely feminine qualities in addition to your other more masculine qualities. Throw on that cute dress and heels, be open and willing to show vulnerability, flirt with class and learn how to receive graciously. Let him compliment you, walk you to your car and help you install those bookshelves. (Yah, he knows you can do it yourself. He just wants to do something nice for you!)
Oh, and stop trying to fake that you have it all together and you really don't need a man. We all know you don't (have it all together) and you do (need/want a man). In other words: just be REAL, which includes being a GIRL.
2. Married men like you because they know you.
When you are with UNavailable men the fear of potential rejection isn't front and center. You aren't stuck in your head, analyzing every word and move...and you don't have that mile high wall tup. (You know: the one you expect single men to climb?)
You're not being possessed by your fears and insecurities. You are your authentic self. After all: these guys aren't available, so there is no need for all that nonsense, right? You can just relax, have some fun and engage in some good conversation.
H-e-l-l-o! These guys like you because you are BEING YOU! You should try that some time with the single guys.
These simple truths can change your life. They absolutely changed mine.
Bobbi Palmer is The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40. At 47 she became a first-time bride and now shares her successes - and mistakes - to help other women over 40 find love. Read her blog and get her free e-Course "The 7 Major Dating Mistakes Women over 40 Make in Their Search for Love."