How To Tell If He Is Second-Date Worthy

By

How To Tell If He Is Second-Date Worthy
Over 40 & dating? Don't worry about butterflies; more important things at stake on early dates.

None turned out to be The One. (That’s what dating is, btw: a bunch of “no’s” before that one super “yes.”)  So what, you say? Who cares about this if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Butterfly-man in the end?

Well, here is what Mary now has that she never had: hope. She is no longer waiting for that one elusive man to show up and instantly rock her world. She now sees that there are many quality single men looking for smart, independent, over-40 women like her and that with an open mind and heart, she will find him.

 

 

I get asked this question all the time: When I'm not feeling that excitement, how do I decide when to go out with him again? Do I have to go out with everyone more than once? Here’s my standard answer: Butterflies be damned! If he doesn’t spit while he eats or insult your mother, if the idea of touching him doesn't gross you out…go out with him again.

.

Here are some other good indicators that you might be talking to a man worthy of another date:

  • He asks what you’d like to do on your date. (I know this annoys some of you, but it really is a GOOD sign. It means he wants to please you.)
  • He shows up on time, enjoys himself and happily pays for your date. (And you, of course, graciously accept.)
  • If you share something important about yourself (and you should without expecting him to ask) he listens and seems to care. (It’s not necessarily a bad sign if he doesn’t ask you many questions. He may be nervous, thinks it rude to interrogate you or just doesn’t have the skill set.)
  • He respects your personal space.
  • He is kind to wait staff and others around you.
  • He seems to care about what you think about him.
  • He seems to expect you to treat him with respect and kindness.

Butterflies come from so much more than the color of his eyes, the cut of his suit or how hard he makes you laugh. Just about every woman who I’ve helped find love after 40 will tell you that the guy she is with was someone she never would have looked at before.

I realize that the idea of being helped to the bathroom doesn't sound romantic; but we’re talking real life here, not the movies. Like myself, Mary and countless other women, if you can open yourself up to a new way of judging men and go on more dates with the idea of getting to know the man in front of you, you will find opportunities and hope you've never had before. And, that, girlfriend, is exactly what leads you directly to love.

This article was originally published at Date Like A Grownup. Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer

Dating Coach

The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!
 


 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Bobbi Palmer:

4 Ways To Learn About His Past Relationships Without Being Sneaky

By

The general belief is that you learn a lot about someone by knowing their relationship history. Find out the details about his marriages and romances that didn't work out and you'll get a good idea of whether or not he's relationship worthy, right? When we're dating after 40, the men we're meeting have decades of this history. They can ... Read more

The Truth About Bachelors (And George Clooney Is Living Proof)

By

When I say these two words—"men" and "commitment"—what comes to mind? Men are commitment phobes? Men are afraid of marriage? Men just want the milk without buying the cow? Anything like this pop into your brain? A lot of women—especially women who are dating over 40 — believe that men are far more interested in ... Read more

A Single Guy's Tell-All: What Men Really Think Of Your Body

By

This post is from a 50-something anonymous Man-Fan. He took his time to share his experience and point of view on what grown up men find attractive in women. I absolutely love what he's sharing with you. Soak it up! And thank you, Mr. ... Read more

See More

 
PARTNER POSTS