None turned out to be The One. (That’s what dating is, btw: a bunch of “no’s” before that one super “yes.”) So what, you say? Who cares about this if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Butterfly-man in the end?
Well, here is what Mary now has that she never had: hope. She is no longer waiting for that one elusive man to show up and instantly rock her world. She now sees that there are many quality single men looking for smart, independent, over-40 women like her and that with an open mind and heart, she will find him.
I get asked this question all the time: When I'm not feeling that excitement, how do I decide when to go out with him again? Do I have to go out with everyone more than once? Here’s my standard answer: Butterflies be damned! If he doesn’t spit while he eats or insult your mother, if the idea of touching him doesn't gross you out…go out with him again.
Here are some other good indicators that you might be talking to a man worthy of another date:
- He asks what you’d like to do on your date. (I know this annoys some of you, but it really is a GOOD sign. It means he wants to please you.)
- He shows up on time, enjoys himself and happily pays for your date. (And you, of course, graciously accept.)
- If you share something important about yourself (and you should without expecting him to ask) he listens and seems to care. (It’s not necessarily a bad sign if he doesn’t ask you many questions. He may be nervous, thinks it rude to interrogate you or just doesn’t have the skill set.)
- He respects your personal space.
- He is kind to wait staff and others around you.
- He seems to care about what you think about him.
- He seems to expect you to treat him with respect and kindness.
Butterflies come from so much more than the color of his eyes, the cut of his suit or how hard he makes you laugh. Just about every woman who I’ve helped find love after 40 will tell you that the guy she is with was someone she never would have looked at before.
I realize that the idea of being helped to the bathroom doesn't sound romantic; but we’re talking real life here, not the movies. Like myself, Mary and countless other women, if you can open yourself up to a new way of judging men and go on more dates with the idea of getting to know the man in front of you, you will find opportunities and hope you've never had before. And, that, girlfriend, is exactly what leads you directly to love.