I'm sure you know that in order to attract the right man you need to feel great about yourself. That's why Step One of my 6-Step Find Hope and then Find Him System is Who Am I: Falling in Love With Myself. You have to know why you rock and truly believe that you'll make some lucky man a superb partner.
Part of this powerful step is to also come up with your “nuggets.” Nuggets are bits about what you believe to be so bleeping cool about you and your life. Interestingly, discovering and defining these nuggets is one of the hardest skills for women to learn. (Yes…it is a skill.) Here are some examples of nuggets from my private coaching clients:
- In India I participated in a Habitat for Humanity blitz build. Volunteers from all over the world worked with 100 homeowners to build a village in a week.
- One of my favorite things in life is to get on the floor with my grandchildren and play for hours.
- I've spent five years renovating my 1920s house. I made a home where everyone who comes in is welcome, comfortable and embraced.
- I was born in Uruguay and moved to the U.S. when I was eight. I love this country, which is why I'm active in politics.
- I can’t go to New York City without seeing a show or two on Broadway. Love, love, love the talent. I think that's why I'm taking dance lessons.
- I started in my company as a sales rep, and I am now the EVP...I love my job!
Do you see how tidbits like these say so much about these women? They are compassionate, world-traveling volunteers; fun-loving, young at heart, devoted family members; tenacious, creative goal-oriented happy hostesses…and so on. In a short sentence it puts out a lot of info; and when the right guy is sitting in front of you, he's going to know it! Can you see it?
Falling in love with yourself and uncovering your nuggets is the most important, life-affirming step of my system. This is especially true for women who are dating over 40 because so many are living with old, inaccurate perceptions of themselves.
But knowing isn't enough. You have to be able to communicate it! If you can't communicate who you are, what you care about and what you've done in your life…how do you expect your date to know who the heck you are? And more important, how does he know he even likes you? (Yes…men really do care about more than how you look!)
The problem is that for most women, sharing their nuggets is a huge challenge. Why, when it comes to business, are you a walking resumé, yet in your personal life you keep it zipped…lest you b-r-a-g?
There is a huge difference between bragging – which we women seem to be allergic to – and helping someone get to know you so he can judge if you have match potential. But there is a right way to do it, and here's how:
It’s about using your feminine energy. Your masculine talks about facts and accomplishments; your feminine about feelings, connections and experiences.
Here are examples of the wrong and right way to talk about yourself:
Let’s say you’ve run several marathons, and we are so proud of the fact that you’ve won 2 of them. (As you should be, sister.)