3. Show off, sister.
This may be difficult for you; it is for many women. We aren't used to talking about ourselves because we've been told it’s selfish and braggadocious (love that word!). Real ladies are humble and let the man shine, right? No. That's nonsense.
You've got to get over this if you want to help men get to know you. They want you to talk about yourself (at least the good guys do). He's only going to know how fabulous you are—and if you're a good match—if you get some of your shiny stuff out. Don't be afraid to share your passions, interests, accomplishments, interesting life experiences, and plans for the future.
You will get attention and get dates by showing the confidence to tell him who you are. You will be memorable and may be just a bit enticing. A warning though: as my husband says, men listen in headlines while women talk in stories! Don't tell him long stories. Keep it brief, and if he's a match for you, he will want more.
Whether online or off, it's important that you show real and revealing glimpses of who you are and what you care about. The right guy will be drawn to you, and the wrong guy won't. Isn't that perfect?
4. Show clear interest.
A simple "Nice talking to you" isn't enough. Everyone says that, and it's likely to be filed under the "She's just being polite" category. Instead, add something to that. "It was nice talking to you, Bob. It would be nice to do it again." That makes it clear that you're open, and it shows that ever-attractive confidence (you can apply this every step of the way: "It was great to get your email, Bob. I look forward to continuing our conversation…and so on).
There's a big difference between this and asking him out. After you deliver this line, stop! You have helped him feel safe and appreciated. He knows you will say yes if he asks (men really do appreciate this...just think of how many times they've heard "no" in their lives!). If he's interested, he will make a move.
One last note: Remember that if he doesn't go for your attempt, he probably knows something you don't know about why you're not a good match (he wants someone taller, is obsessed with something you don't like, sees his last horrible girlfriend in you, etc.).
Don't let it discourage you. You'll get points in your dating karma bank by making him feel good about himself, and it will be easier to do it the next time with the guy who may be your perfect match.
Don't fall into the trap of thinking flirting is tacky or that you can't be good at it. Flirting is definitely for mature daters; we just do it a little differently. Even if it doesn't come naturally, there is hope! Use these techniques and enjoy the positive responses you get and the power it gives you (yes..I said power!). I'm confident you'll go from thinking of flirting as a necessary evil to looking forward to the next opportunity to strike up a connection and share yourself with a nice man!