Do you find yourself repeating the same mantra about men day in and day out? It leaves your mouth in various forms, but you’ve got only one point: to release yourself from any responsibility and keep you safe and snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug without the worry of that pesky intimacy thing.
"There are no good men out there. I’m better off without a man. I don’t want any man who isn’t willing to accept me exactly as I am. All the men my age are old fuddy-duddies or want the young girls...." Blah, blah, blah.
Okay ladies…I’m here to say once again: Please Stop That!
As a smart woman told me recently: it’s scary out there. Yup. It is. Putting yourself out there is scary. Hoping for something really big is scary. Openly searching for the love and acceptance of others is scary.
I may not have this particular fear anymore — I’ve overcome it and it led me to the love of my life — but I still fear things just like it.
Take all this stuff that I write and say to you day after day. My mantra for the longest time was “No one will ever read what I have to say, and if they do why would they listen to me?”
That kept me from starting my blog and my coaching business for over a year. It still keeps me from doing some things I know I should be doing.
In my clearer moments I realize that my limiting thinking translates to some women not getting help they need. It's sorta crazy.
I’m convinced that this stuff we get stuck in our heads is simply about self protection. I’m also convinced that playing it safe is just not worth it; and that trying — just the act of trying — gives us the confidence and pride we need to propel us forward.
If I had played it safe I’d be single and working in a corporate job that was sucking the life out of me.
Instead, I spend every day of my life with a good man that I love with everything I have, and I’m given the gift of being able to help women improve their lives.
When we hold back out of fear, we give up so much. We risk missing moments of our lives that can create such extraordinary joy, and give us such a feeling of purpose and meaning.
When we go for it, our experiences can go beyond anything we’ve ever dreamed.
So I’m going to stay strong and positive and keep putting myself out here, hoping you love and accept me. Meanwhile, ladies, I expect you to do the same…with men.
Bobbi Palmer is The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40. At 47 she became a first-time bride and now shares her successes - and mistakes - to help other women over 40 find love. Read her blog and get her free e-Course "The 7 Major Dating Mistakes Women over 40 Make in Their Search for Love."
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