It's An Art: Exactly What To Say To Men In Difficult Situations

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communicating
In dating, good communication is the key to meeting and attracting men… especially the right men.

In dating, good communication is the key to meeting and attracting men … especially the right men. It's also the key to developing and maintaining fulfilling relationships. When you love on purpose, you communicate on purpose.

One of the most important ways I support my coaching clients is by helping them communicate well with men. Online or offline, good communication requires certain knowledge and skill. It's a bit of an art, actually.

When challenging situations come up, I help women write a script that not only communicates effectively but  also feels comfortable and true to who they are.

Recently I helped my client "Kathy" tell the man she’s been out with four times that she’s not yet ready for intimacy. She was going to break it off with him, but I convinced her to try to tell him and see how it goes. He seemed like a great guy to me.

Kathy had that conversation (see our scripting below), and his response was, "Okay … I can do that. Thanks for telling me!" There you go. Not only did she avert ending a potentially lovely relationship, but she earned his respect and opened up the possibility of further meaningful conversation. Well done!

Here are some other things I've helped clients with lately:

  • Showing a man she is interested without being too pushy. (Remember: Showing interest and taking the lead are very different things!)
  • Apologizing and showing regret for something she said
  • Writing killer online dating emails that get read and get responses
  • Answering the question “Why haven’t you been married yet?” when she goes on dates (Ugh…I used to get that question all the time! Guys: there is a better way to ask this.)

Here are specific examples for some situations that might come up for you:

If you want to …
Show a guy you're interested without being too pushy…

Instead of saying …
I'd like to go out. How about Sunday?

Say this …
I really enjoy talking with you. It would be great to do it again some time.

 

If you want to…
Tell a man he is going too fast and you are not ready for intimacy…

Instead of saying …
You're going too fast for me!

Say this …
I like you and I'm very interested in getting to know you. When I'm dating I find it works best for me to [fill in with how you would like to proceed]. How does that sound to you?

If you want to …
Write killer online dating emails that are getting read and getting responses …

 

Instead of saying …
Hi. I like your profile. I see we have many things in common. Read mine and write if you’re interested.

Say this…
Hi, Bob. I understand what you said about [thus-and-such], and I completely agree. (Agreeing with a man is very complimentary.) I [did something that shows you have something in common]. There's more to the story, and it's pretty funny. [Create some intrigue and set up for future conversation.] I'd like to know more about [something he has done]. Did you enjoy it? [Or some direct question that's easy for him to answer.]

I'm looking forward to hearing from you. [Show that confidence, girlfriend!]


If you want to…
Answer the question "Why haven't you been married yet?"

Instead of saying …
It's none of your business OR because I haven't found the right guy yet.

Say this …
My life has been great but just hasn't gone that way yet. But I’m ready and looking forward to when I meet that terrific guy.

Communicating on purpose is actually not so hard as we make it to be. And it creates an environment in a relationship where you're really loving on purpose. Most men want to understand us, and they want to please us. They just want a little help!

This is no different than learning how to communicate with your boss or that passive-aggressive gal at work. You need to learn some basics, and then you need to practice.

Do you see the pattern in all these? When trying to address a potentially difficult situation:

  • Be positive
  • Be direct
  • Speak from the "I"
  • Don't demand

Try these and tell me how it works for you! Leave your comments here or join my tribe of awesome women over at the Date Like a Grownup Facebook Page and share your experience to help others.

More juicy stories from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer

Dating Coach

The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!
 


 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
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