Are You A Bitter Woman?

By

Are You A Bitter Woman?
How women who are dating over 40 can recognize the Bitter Woman FemiType and avoid becoming it

The Bitter Woman has created this hard shell that protects a wounded heart. Her irony is that she just wants someone to love and accept her. (Don’t we all?) But she is the least willing of all the FemiTypes to reciprocate that open acceptance.

She feels damaged by the men in her life. She may have had a nasty divorce, a cheating spouse or boyfriend, or a messed up relationship with her father. (You don’t need to be a psychologist to figure this as a possibility.)

 

Whether it was one man or many, she hangs on the experiences and uses her anger like a protective shield. That use of blame prevents her from taking responsibility for the relationships in her life, especially with men. She is afraid, but anger is her go-to emotion rather than dealing with what she’s really feeling: fear, insecurity, sadness, etc.

The Bitter Woman careens between self-pity and self-righteousness. She says things like "Those jerks never even give me a chance!, the unsaid being: So there’s nothing I can do about it!

Her self-righteousness comes out as bullying: "What…dinner isn’t good enough for me? Are you cheap or something?" And voila! She creates her own negative reality. (Is anyone having fun yet?)

I admit that The Bitter Woman is challenging. Her transformation begins with taking an honest, sometimes painful look in the mirror. Seeing and accepting that she is the common denominator in all her bad relationships is her first step toward freedom. (If you’ve read my eBook, you know that this was an epiphany that changed my life forever.)

Create a New Reality

Another part of the journey is uncovering your beliefs and assumptions about men, dating and relationships. Men are only interested in sex. Relationships mean giving up your dreams. Men don’t want a woman like me. All the good men are taken. My man has to be/has to do xyz or he doesn’t really care. Dating is scary and you have to protect yourself. Go on…write it all down.

Next, start to validate your beliefs. You have a choice: focus on the guy(s) who did you wrong (at least that how it looks now) and assume they’re all like that OR start gathering new evidence.

Look for the good men around you. Maybe it’s your brother, neighbor, best friend’s husband, chiropractor or co-worker. I’ve never met a woman who couldn’t identify some men in her orbit who were kind and a good partner to someone. Are there really NO good men? Anywhere? Really? And look at their partners. Is it true men don’t pick women like you?

This is part of the work we during Step 3 of my 6-Step Find Hope and then Find Him System: I’m Fabulous So What’s the Damn Problem? We uncover your negative patterns and deep beliefs that have been guiding your interaction with men…probably for a very, very long time.

What you Believe is your Truth. If you see any Bitter Woman in you, you can choose to take personal responsibility for creating your new truth.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer

Dating Coach

The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!
 


 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Bobbi Palmer:

Holiday Gift Giving Tips For The Mature, Single And Dating

By

It’s The Holidays. That oh so awkward time for those who are single, dating or in a new relationship. Yah, you’re dating after 40, but you may still have the same questions about gift giving that you had when you were 20: Do I give him a gift? If so, what? What if I get him something and he doesn’t get me anything? Or vice versa? If ... Read more

What 100+ Single Men Think About Cheating, Love And YOU

By

The last few months I've been focused on men—who they are, what dating is like for them, what they want, what they mean when they say or do certain things, what they think about your body, and why they disappear. As a matter of fact, last week we recorded a brand new panel of men with three totally mature, marriage minded, good looking guys. I ... Read more

Think Like A Man? No, But You'll Be Happier If You Date Like One!

By

Emotional exhaustion. Hopelessness. Hating men and/or yourself. That is what you experience when women are dating the wrong way. You start to feel like it’s just not worth all the nonsense, hurt and disappointment. Why bother? You have a pretty good life, so why are you bothering? I’ll tell you why: Because you have to date if you want love ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular