The Bitter Woman has created this hard shell that protects a wounded heart. Her irony is that she just wants someone to love and accept her. (Don’t we all?) But she is the least willing of all the FemiTypes to reciprocate that open acceptance.
She feels damaged by the men in her life. She may have had a nasty divorce, a cheating spouse or boyfriend, or a messed up relationship with her father. (You don’t need to be a psychologist to figure this as a possibility.)
More from YourTango: How to Ask or Answer: Where Is This Going?
Whether it was one man or many, she hangs on the experiences and uses her anger like a protective shield. That use of blame prevents her from taking responsibility for the relationships in her life, especially with men. She is afraid, but anger is her go-to emotion rather than dealing with what she’s really feeling: fear, insecurity, sadness, etc.
The Bitter Woman careens between self-pity and self-righteousness. She says things like "Those jerks never even give me a chance!, the unsaid being: So there’s nothing I can do about it!
Her self-righteousness comes out as bullying: "What…dinner isn’t good enough for me? Are you cheap or something?" And voila! She creates her own negative reality. (Is anyone having fun yet?)
I admit that The Bitter Woman is challenging. Her transformation begins with taking an honest, sometimes painful look in the mirror. Seeing and accepting that she is the common denominator in all her bad relationships is her first step toward freedom. (If you’ve read my eBook, you know that this was an epiphany that changed my life forever.)
Create a New Reality
Another part of the journey is uncovering your beliefs and assumptions about men, dating and relationships. Men are only interested in sex. Relationships mean giving up your dreams. Men don’t want a woman like me. All the good men are taken. My man has to be/has to do xyz or he doesn’t really care. Dating is scary and you have to protect yourself. Go on…write it all down.
Next, start to validate your beliefs. You have a choice: focus on the guy(s) who did you wrong (at least that how it looks now) and assume they’re all like that OR start gathering new evidence.
Look for the good men around you. Maybe it’s your brother, neighbor, best friend’s husband, chiropractor or co-worker. I’ve never met a woman who couldn’t identify some men in her orbit who were kind and a good partner to someone. Are there really NO good men? Anywhere? Really? And look at their partners. Is it true men don’t pick women like you?
This is part of the work we during Step 3 of my 6-Step Find Hope and then Find Him System: I’m Fabulous So What’s the Damn Problem? We uncover your negative patterns and deep beliefs that have been guiding your interaction with men…probably for a very, very long time.
More from YourTango: Flirting for Grownups: 4 Ways to Get His Attention Online or Out
What you Believe is your Truth. If you see any Bitter Woman in you, you can choose to take personal responsibility for creating your new truth.