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Over 40 And Dating? Here Are 5 Amazing Tips To Help You Find Love

Love, Self

Want to know where all the decent single men are hiding? Believe it or not, they are everywhere.

I have some news that will both surprise and delight you. Want to know where all the quality single men are? They are everywhere. There are about 45 million single men over the age of 35 in the United States and about 8 million are over 65 years old. There are about 7 million single men in Britain and 2 million in Australia, and those are just the ones using online dating.

Before you say "Yeah, but all the quality guys are taken or gay," here are some facts, ma'am. I recently "shopped" for men on (which is where I met my husband). I looked for men over 40, taller than 5'8", college educated, non-smoking, social drinker, and making $75,000+, which is an above-average income where I live. Within only 20 miles of my house there are over 2,000 of these guys. 2,000+!

I think it's only fair to assume that these 2,000 guys are walking around and going places. They're at the grocery store, bank and dry cleaners. They are playing golf, drinking coffee, and walking their dogs. Now, all you have to do is learn how to recognize and connect with them. Remember, especially for those of you in more rural areas where there may be fewer available men, you need only ONE.

Here are 5 simple things you can do to start talking with and attracting men wherever you go:

1. Lighten up on your requirements.
Don't just pay attention to the guys who are tall or look hot. If you typically go for the 8s or 9s, lower your range to the 6s or 7s. Often when a guy speaks, he can become pretty cute. His sense of humor, his wit, and his compassion will make him more attractive, but only if you give him a chance. Sometimes all it takes is a smile to turn a 6 into an 8.

You know how some men who are 9s and 10s open their mouth and suddenly become a 5? Well, believe me, it can go both ways. This goes for height as well. If you lower your height requirement by just two inches, your pool of eligible men grows exponentially.

2. Look up.
When you're out and about, look at the people around you. Smile and say "Hi." Maintain eye contact for a few beats longer than usual. It might feel a bit uncomfortable for the first day or two, but it won't hurt, I promise. With a little practice it will be fun.

Start a conversation by asking a simple question. You don't have to be brilliant or clever. Simply asking "Are you getting hot or cold?" at the coffee shop or "Do you know what time they close?" at the cleaners can lead you to your next husband. It really is that easy. Men absolutely love a friendly and confident woman. That's exactly what he'll see when you smile at him and engage him in conversation.

3. Listen, but not too much.
You can get the conversation started, but as you may know, men can sometimes talk too much, especially when they're nervous. Give him a break if he's fidgety, gets overly chatty or starts bragging. It's probably  because he likes and wants to impress you.

Whatever you do, do NOT just listen and look on adoringly as he goes on and on. Why would he want to see you or talk to you again unless he feels some connection? The only way he can do that is if you share about yourself. So, make sure to squeeze in a few "nuggets" about yourself. Get in a few tidbits about what you enjoy doing, what makes you laugh, or things you care about. Don't be afraid to be real and show your softness, dorkiness, or even nervousness. Real men are attracted to real women.

4. Get your flirt on.
If you like him, show him some attention. Men love attention from women, and most of them (especially the 6s and 7s) don't get it very often. We hold back either because we think it's their "job" or because we're too freaked out at the chance of being rejected. If you're interested enough to want him to ask for your number, get his attention by doing these grownup flirting techniques:

  • Compliment him. Men are especially flattered when you show them you admire, respect or trust them. Ask him for his opinion or advice on something. You'll not only get to know him better, but he'll also feel respected.
  • Laugh at his jokes, but only if they sincerely tickle you. He'll definitely know you like him.
  • Touching is the surest way to make a connection with a man. Below the elbow is the safest place, or you can brush your shoulder or arm against his every now and then. Actions do speak louder than words. And don't worry, he won't think you want to sleep with him—only that you're interested.
  • Lean in when you're talking with or listening to him.
  • Twirl your hair. Make it look subconscious and playful, but it will get him every time.
  • Don't worry that he knows you're flirting ... that's the point.

5. Close the deal if he doesn't.
If he doesn't ask for your number, don't hesitate to make a move. You don't want to ask him out or try to make any specific plans, but let him know you'd say "yes" if he asked. So, how to do that without seeming pushy? Clearly show your interest. Tell him "It was fun talking with you. It would be nice to do it again." Have your business card ready if he wants to contact you.

If all else fails, you can even say, "I'd love to continue talking with you. Here's my card." That's not asking him out, it just puts the ball in his court and clearly lets him know you're available and interested.

So, here is your homework for the week: I challenge you to cast your net a little wider than usual. Start looking at men who are a few inches shorter, a few pounds heavier and maybe with a little less hair than your ideal. Look at men who are more in the 6+ range on the "hot" scale. Don't look at it as lowering your standards as much as increasing your chances of finding a hidden gem of a man.

They don't even have to be men with whom you want to close the deal. I just want you to practice eye contact and connection, flirting, and opening yourself up to men outside your usual zone. I want to hear how it goes.

Leave me your comments below about your experiences this week. I especially want to hear if you notice their attractiveness changing, either up or down, once you get to know them. Does it seem like there are more eligible men than before? Were you able to listen as well as sharing your nuggets too? Did they ask for your number? Were you able to close the deal?

I want a full report! Happy hunting!

Bobbi Palmer, founder of Date Like A Grownup, is an internationally recognized Expert helping women over 40 find grownup, lasting, passionate love with the right man. As a first time bride at 47, Bobbi shares in her free video series "The 4 Devastating Mistakes Women in their Search for Love" at

This article was originally published at Date Like a GrownUp. Reprinted with permission from the author.


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