Can I Find Love When I Have Serious Life Problems?


Can I Find Love When I Have Serious Life Problems?
Good Men have radar for our insecurities. Jerks prey on them. Either way, it’s a losing proposition.

I received an email yesterday that I want to share. I hear some form of this a lot: “I’m [not perfect because of fill-in-the-blank] and I’m worried no man will ever want me!” I get it but I can’t tell you how much this breaks my heart.

I lived in the “no man wants a fat girl” reality for a long freaking time. But it’s a lie I told myself so I could blame men for the lack of love in my life.I know the truth now: the vast majority of the men I met didn’t pick me because of my “Wall of I Dare You” and my insecurities; not because of my fat thighs.

I hope this letter and the articles I refer to help you realize two things:

1. Men are not as superficial as you may think.
2. You are a wonderful woman who, if she can give love, will most certainly receive it.

Dear Bobbi,

I appreciate your Friday Quickies and emails very much. I am 42, divorced after a 10 year relationship and very much craving love and a special person to love me. However, I am not exactly the powerful and financially successful woman you mention in all your emails. I went to college but I struggle financially………….what about women like me? Are there men out there for the not so successful women like me?

Best regards,


Dearest M,

I’m so glad you wrote. I have an answer: Heck YES there are men for you! Not only that but you deserve a fabulous man as much as the most financially successful woman. You are special, and there are lots of men who will see it…that is if you do.

Your power isn’t in your career. It’s about knowing what you want and going after it. It’s in who you are and who you want to be. It’s in your kindness and your compassion. That’s what men are looking for in a woman. Now honestly, do men want to support you? Nope…most don’t. And if you can’t support yourself it may be a challenge. But your financial situation is far down the list of what most men will “judge” you on. If YOU are okay with it; they will be. But If you’re not; they won’t be.

This is how we get in our own way and conveniently blame it on the guys. We believe that men won’t want us because of this and that. I’m too tall, too fat, too successful, too broke, too shy…blah blah blah. I hope you agree that when you believe something, it shows up in your actions and attitudes. We think we cover it up…but we don’t. If you want to turn a guy off, show up assuming he won’t like you.

Good Men have radar for our insecurities. Jerks prey on them. Either way it’s a losing proposition.

One more thing: If you look at my writing I hope you don’t hear me talk about success or accomplishments in relation to having money. If you have that impression from me then I’m mortified! I definitely need to work on my communication. I will definitely take a look at that and be more clear on what I mean.

A couple other articles for you to read:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer


The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!


Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Bobbi Palmer:

Dating And Your Daughters


How did you learn how to "be" with boys when you were young and maturing? Did your Mom sit you down as you were entering puberty and have "one of those talks" with you? Did she maintain an ongoing honest conversation about it advising and supporting you along the way? Or maybe, like me, did your Mom have little to do with your development in ... Read more

It's An Art: Exactly What To Say To Men In Difficult Situations


In dating, good communication is the key to meeting and attracting men … especially the right men. It's also the key to developing and maintaining fulfilling relationships. When you love on purpose, you communicate on purpose. One of the most important ways I support my coaching clients is by helping them communicate well with men. Online or ... Read more

Should Women Be Responsible For Confirming Their Dates With Men?


It's Monday and you're talking on the phone with a nice guy you're interested in. After some chit-chat he finally asks you out on a date. It goes something like this: Nice Guy: Do you want to go out for dinner Saturday night? You: Yes, that would be nice. Nice Guy: Okay, I'll call you later in the week to firm up the plans. I'm ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Distant Woman

Tips For Getting Back in the Saddle After a Breakup

Recently suffered a breakup? Keep these things in mind and you'll be on your way to healing.

Couple Cooking Healthy Dinner

Your RD’s Top 25 Things To Do/ Not To Do to Be Healthy

Your RD’s Top 25 Things To Do/ Not To Do to Be Healthy

Distant Woman

Is Resentment Ruining Your Marriage?

Practicing forgiveness signifies breaking the cycle of pain and not allowing wounds to fester.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>