Can I Find Love When I Have Serious Life Problems?

By

Can I Find Love When I Have Serious Life Problems?
Good Men have radar for our insecurities. Jerks prey on them. Either way, it’s a losing proposition.

I received an email yesterday that I want to share. I hear some form of this a lot: “I’m [not perfect because of fill-in-the-blank] and I’m worried no man will ever want me!” I get it but I can’t tell you how much this breaks my heart.

I lived in the “no man wants a fat girl” reality for a long freaking time. But it’s a lie I told myself so I could blame men for the lack of love in my life.I know the truth now: the vast majority of the men I met didn’t pick me because of my “Wall of I Dare You” and my insecurities; not because of my fat thighs.

I hope this letter and the articles I refer to help you realize two things:

1. Men are not as superficial as you may think.
2. You are a wonderful woman who, if she can give love, will most certainly receive it.

Dear Bobbi,

I appreciate your Friday Quickies and emails very much. I am 42, divorced after a 10 year relationship and very much craving love and a special person to love me. However, I am not exactly the powerful and financially successful woman you mention in all your emails. I went to college but I struggle financially………….what about women like me? Are there men out there for the not so successful women like me?

Best regards,
M

 

Dearest M,

I’m so glad you wrote. I have an answer: Heck YES there are men for you! Not only that but you deserve a fabulous man as much as the most financially successful woman. You are special, and there are lots of men who will see it…that is if you do.

Your power isn’t in your career. It’s about knowing what you want and going after it. It’s in who you are and who you want to be. It’s in your kindness and your compassion. That’s what men are looking for in a woman. Now honestly, do men want to support you? Nope…most don’t. And if you can’t support yourself it may be a challenge. But your financial situation is far down the list of what most men will “judge” you on. If YOU are okay with it; they will be. But If you’re not; they won’t be.

This is how we get in our own way and conveniently blame it on the guys. We believe that men won’t want us because of this and that. I’m too tall, too fat, too successful, too broke, too shy…blah blah blah. I hope you agree that when you believe something, it shows up in your actions and attitudes. We think we cover it up…but we don’t. If you want to turn a guy off, show up assuming he won’t like you.

Good Men have radar for our insecurities. Jerks prey on them. Either way it’s a losing proposition.

One more thing: If you look at my writing I hope you don’t hear me talk about success or accomplishments in relation to having money. If you have that impression from me then I’m mortified! I definitely need to work on my communication. I will definitely take a look at that and be more clear on what I mean.

A couple other articles for you to read:

http://datelikeagrownup.com/2011/05/two-lessons-single-women-over-40-can...

http://datelikeagrownup.com/2011/06/imperfection-does-not-equal-rejection/

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer

Dating Coach

The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!
 


 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Bobbi Palmer:

Why Midlife Sex Is The Best Sex

By

Can I make a few assumptions? If you’re reading this you are most likely a woman over 40, single and looking. You are probably dating, or hoping to. You are either nearing menopause, in menopause or post-menopausal. Taken together, here’s what that tells me: You are facing the prospect of having new sexual partners. After all, you have hopes of ... Read more

Let's Get Physical, Or Should We? 5 Tips For Midlife Dating

By

Wanna hear your body talk? If the idea of having sex in your 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond is intimidating, you are not alone. I get a lot of questions about the whats and hows of having sex “in this day and age” and at this stage of life. You crave intimacy, but the last thing you want is to sleep with a guy and get hung up like an 18-year-old. ... Read more

3 “Ah-Ha!” Differences Between Dating Men And Boys

By

If you are a single woman in her 40s, 50s or beyond, I have a question for you: When you look at yourself today, are you the same person you were in your 20s or 30s? Have many of your priorities changed? Has experience taught you new life skills and shifted your perspective on things you previously held as absolute truth? And what about when it comes to ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB