Are You What's Holding You Back from Finding Love?

By

Are You What's Holding You Back from Finding Love?

Why do we hold on to the man who isn’t good for us, our feelings of insecurity and being less-than, or our pattern of picking jerks and liars? These are all self-sabotaging behaviors and beliefs, and intellectually we know it. Yet we cling on for dear life, feeling powerless over our unfortunate circumstance.

That’s exactly what one of my coaching clients, Alison, told me yesterday. She said that she felt she had done all she could to meet her future husband and father of the children she so desperately wants. She felt the rest was up to “them.” In the kindest way possible, I told her that I disagreed; she had not done all she could.

Did she believe me? I mean really believe me. Probably not just yet. It’s true that by the time women come to me they are clearly open to dating tips and advice. They have generally accepted that they need to make shifts in order to improve their dating and romantic life…but lasting forward movement may still take time. Her heart and mind need to open, and let change take flight. I’m there to help her do that.

What was true is this: with the tools Alison currently had in her toolkit, she was pretty well topped out. But with new information, experiences and compassionate support, I know she will become the woman who attracts that man, and knows him when she sees him.

I read a fantastic article in Huffington Post today that I think will be of help to Alison and the rest of us — including me — who “know” we can improve certain areas of our lives yet can’t seem to actually do it. Our fears, old habits, and crippling truths create such an enormous barrier that it feels impossible…downright hopeless.

Tom Ferry, CEO of YourCoach, and success coach to more than 100,000 people, wrote an article called The 4 Addictions That Destroy Your Dreams (They’re Not What You Think). I think this is important for us to read. It doesn’t give all the answers, but the 4 addictions (aka habits) he brings up are real, and in our way of getting what we want in life.

These are what he calls our 4 addictions. See if any describe you, and what may be holding you back.

1) The Addiction to opinions of other people. As a society, we’re addicted to what others think about us and how others’ views of the world affect us.

2) The Addiction to drama. Some people are drawn to and consumed by any event or situation that occupies their thoughts and fills their mind with negativity, which often brings attention to them in unproductive ways.

3) The Addiction to the past. These people have an unhealthy attachment to events or situations that have occurred in the past. They’re stuck in how things used to be.

4) The Addiction to worry. This addiction is comprised of all the negative and self-defeating thoughts that make us anxious, disturbed, upset and stressed, that hold us back in life.

Read the complete article here http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tom-ferry/the-4-addictions-that-des_b_5825....
Let me know what you think.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer

Dating Coach

The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!
 


 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Bobbi Palmer:

Why Midlife Sex Is The Best Sex

By

Can I make a few assumptions? If you’re reading this you are most likely a woman over 40, single and looking. You are probably dating, or hoping to. You are either nearing menopause, in menopause or post-menopausal. Taken together, here’s what that tells me: You are facing the prospect of having new sexual partners. After all, you have hopes of ... Read more

Let's Get Physical, Or Should We? 5 Tips For Midlife Dating

By

Wanna hear your body talk? If the idea of having sex in your 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond is intimidating, you are not alone. I get a lot of questions about the whats and hows of having sex “in this day and age” and at this stage of life. You crave intimacy, but the last thing you want is to sleep with a guy and get hung up like an 18-year-old. ... Read more

3 “Ah-Ha!” Differences Between Dating Men And Boys

By

If you are a single woman in her 40s, 50s or beyond, I have a question for you: When you look at yourself today, are you the same person you were in your 20s or 30s? Have many of your priorities changed? Has experience taught you new life skills and shifted your perspective on things you previously held as absolute truth? And what about when it comes to ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular