Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

So-So First Date? Why He Deserves A Second Chance

So-So First Date? Why He Deserves A Second Chance [EXPERT]
Love

Are you expecting him to wow you right away?

Even when it's over, after one week or a few months, she can't give up the dream of what might have been. She can't figure out what went wrong because her fantasy is still too powerful. She holds on to her belief that they were great together. It's just that he didn't get it.

Like The Eighteen-Year Old, The Wow-Me Woman is unclear on what she really wants in a man and thus can't evaluate the almost-relationship realistically. Since she still thinks she had it right and he just didn't know it, she will continue her pattern. She will reject man after man who doesn't turn her on in search of her next hit of Shazam.

Looking back at your experiences over the past several years, does any of the Wow-Me pattern seem familiar? If so, you know that it's exhausting and sometimes depressing to live in a cycle of continuous disappointment and occasional Shazam.

If you don't want to live feeling like this anymore, and you honestly want to find that special man to share your life, you can turn this around.

Generally after some time has passed, it becomes crystal clear that men you fell so hard for were nowhere near a good match for you. Take some time to review who the guys were that you just knew were right for you but turned out to be losers, jerks or just plain wrong. For example, a guy who disappears after a ton of texts and emails and a few dates, and especially after having sex, is just a  jerk.

How much energy did you expend on this guy? And how did this bad choice affect your dating experiences going forward? Did it create some mistrust of men and maybe mistrust of yourself?

The grown-up dater is clear on what she needs in a life partner. She knows exactly how she wants to feel when she's with him, and she knows it takes a lot more than just excitement  to make a good partnership.

Learning the difference between a good date and a good mate is crucial not to drive your love life by fantasy and feelings alone. That's why Step 2, of my 6-Step Find Hope and then Find Him System, is Who is He? Getting Past My List. When you can articulate the grownup feelings you must be happy with a man. You may want to feel safe, understood and adored, then you can use these to measure a man's potential in a meaningful way.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.

Explore YourTango