I’m often asked what I mean by Dating Like a Grownup. It’s obviously a great question that I probably should answer every so often. (I am, after all, the CEO of Date Like a Grownup!) I’m going to give you my definition, and then I’m going to tell you about a great book I’ve read that does a terrific job of discussing dating and love for grownups.
To me, dating like a grownup means taking responsibility for your own happiness. It means getting past the men suck/I-have-no-control-over-this part-of-my-life nonsense. It means approaching men, dating and relationships with consciousness; allowing you to balance your heart and your head.
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Some key ingredients to dating like a grownup:
- Understanding that your happiness comes first; and the rest of the good stuff will follow.
- Staying open to new information and new experiences no matter your age.
- Taking some risks.
- Making decisions that are good for you in the long term and not giving in to short-term pleasure or ego driven choices.
- Maintaining perspective. (18 year olds have none; 50 year olds have tons; we just sometimes forget to apply it to our dealings with men.)
- Investing in yourself to become your best You, knowing this is what attracts the best men.
- Showing kindness; both to yourself and the people you meet.
- Learning to receive graciously and accepting others' support.
- Keeping your eyes on the prize and not giving up or giving in.
Whew! That’s off the top of my head, but I think that covers a lot of it. Easy, right?
Now…let me introduce you to a great book for you to read on this topic. Love for Grown-ups: The Garter Brides’ Guide to Marrying for Life When You Already Have Got a Life is a new book written by three very talented, very cool women. Ann Blumenthal Jacobs, Patricia Ryan Lampl and Tish Rabe are girlfriends who all found love later in life.
They wrote this book because, like me, they are on a mission to help other women in their later years find fantastic, forever love. Not only do they share their experiences, they share those of several dozen other women who found grownup love. I know you'll relate to their stories, just like I did. (They all found love later in life, I did it, and so can you, sister!)
I read their opening paragraph and knew we were simpatico:
"It’s a luscious experience, falling in love as a grownup. You're wise to the relationship hazards that used to snag you, you know what's important in a partner and won’t settle for anything less and youre ready to meet a man as an equal on every level, including horizontally!"
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They (very smartly) start off with helping you take a fresh new look at dating. Here are a few of their great tips:
- Say good-bye to good-for-now relationships.
- Bad boys are time wasters.
- If you get advice, consider the source.
- If your sex life has been on the back burner, heat it up!
- Happiness is attractive.
- Check your anger at the door.