Are You Dating Like a Grownup?

By

Are You Dating Like a Grownup?
Dating like a grownup means taking responsibility for your own happiness.

I’m often asked what I mean by Dating Like a Grownup. It’s obviously a great question that I probably should answer every so often. (I am, after all, the CEO of Date Like a Grownup!) I’m going to give you my definition, and then I’m going to tell you about a great book I’ve read that does a terrific job of discussing dating and love for grownups.

To me, dating like a grownup means taking responsibility for your own happiness. It means getting past the men suck/I-have-no-control-over-this part-of-my-life nonsense. It means approaching men, dating and relationships with consciousness; allowing you to balance your heart and your head.

Some key ingredients to dating like a grownup:

  • Understanding that your happiness comes first; and the rest of the good stuff will follow.
  • Staying open to new information and new experiences no matter your age.
  • Taking some risks.
  • Making decisions that are good for you in the long term and not giving in to short-term pleasure or ego driven choices.
  • Maintaining perspective. (18 year olds have none; 50 year olds have tons; we just sometimes forget to apply it to our dealings with men.)
  • Investing in yourself to become your best You, knowing this is what attracts the best men.
  • Showing kindness; both to yourself and the people you meet.
  • Learning to receive graciously and accepting others' support.
  • Keeping your eyes on the prize and not giving up or giving in.

Whew! That’s off the top of my head, but I think that covers a lot of it. Easy, right?

Now…let me introduce you to a great book for you to read on this topic. Love for Grown-ups: The Garter Brides’ Guide to Marrying for Life When You Already Have Got a Life is a new book written by three very talented, very cool women. Ann Blumenthal Jacobs, Patricia Ryan Lampl and Tish Rabe are girlfriends who all found love later in life.

They wrote this book because, like me, they are on a mission to help other women in their later years find fantastic, forever love. Not only do they share their experiences, they share those of several dozen other women who found grownup love. I know you'll relate to their stories, just like I did. (They all found love later in life, I did it, and so can you, sister!)

I read their opening paragraph and knew we were simpatico:

"It’s a luscious experience, falling in love as a grownup. You're wise to the relationship hazards that used to snag you, you know what's important in a partner and won’t settle for anything less and youre ready to meet a man as an equal on every level, including horizontally!"

They (very smartly) start off with helping you take a fresh new look at dating. Here are a few of their great tips:

  • Say good-bye to good-for-now relationships.
  • Bad boys are time wasters.
  • If you get advice, consider the source.
  • If your sex life has been on the back burner, heat it up!
  • Happiness is attractive.
  • Check your anger at the door.

Yup. I can’t agree more on the importance of all these.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer

Dating Coach

The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!
 


 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Bobbi Palmer:

Why Midlife Sex Is The Best Sex

By

Can I make a few assumptions? If you’re reading this you are most likely a woman over 40, single and looking. You are probably dating, or hoping to. You are either nearing menopause, in menopause or post-menopausal. Taken together, here’s what that tells me: You are facing the prospect of having new sexual partners. After all, you have hopes of ... Read more

Let's Get Physical, Or Should We? 5 Tips For Midlife Dating

By

Wanna hear your body talk? If the idea of having sex in your 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond is intimidating, you are not alone. I get a lot of questions about the whats and hows of having sex “in this day and age” and at this stage of life. You crave intimacy, but the last thing you want is to sleep with a guy and get hung up like an 18-year-old. ... Read more

3 “Ah-Ha!” Differences Between Dating Men And Boys

By

If you are a single woman in her 40s, 50s or beyond, I have a question for you: When you look at yourself today, are you the same person you were in your 20s or 30s? Have many of your priorities changed? Has experience taught you new life skills and shifted your perspective on things you previously held as absolute truth? And what about when it comes to ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB