Answering The Million-Dollar Question: Is He In To You?

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Answering The Million-Dollar Question: Is He In To You?
Real grownup men don’t play games; when they are in, they are in.

This part can be annoying if you don’t understand it.  You may think he’s a bit arrogant, self-absorbed or bragging. (This article talk about this more.) If you can just let him have his moment and know it’s coming from flattery, you might actually find yourself impressed by what he’s telling you. You can smile to yourself because you know this means he wants you to like him. (Men don’t generally try to impress women they don’t care about.) It's not exactly the way we gals do it, but it is their way and it pays to understand that. And, again, another good sign.

4) He shares with you.

When you are together or talking on the phone he is present, happy and interested – most of the time anyway. (A bad day at work can make anyone grumpy or distracted.) Overall his mood is good when you are together. He asks you how your day was and asks your opinion. He remembers the name of the person in your office you can't stand, knows what music you like and checks in with how your aging grandmother is doing. He tells you about his day, his plans and, in general, what he’s thinking.

It’s pretty simple. Men are pretty simple. When they like you they show it. With grownup courtship there should be no big mystery to keep you up nights. No secret code in his emails to decipher. No having to read between the lines when you talk.  No going over and over what he really meant. When he likes you, you will know it and feel it!

If you like him, or think you might be in to him, I suggest you just be available, accepting and stay conscious of his actions. Remember, he’s a man and may do things differently than you expect.

The flip side is also simple. When he stops calling, he’s decided. He’s not in to you.  Period.  Even if you think you really like him, you had so much fun together and so much in common, etc.  It takes two to tango and without him the dance ain’t happening.

If you start going down the rabbit hole of worry and doubt, STOP and ask yourself honestly: Am I really that interested in him? Do I even know him? Do I just hope that he is Mr. I Love You so dating is over? Is it you ego that wants it? Be sure you're not wasting time and energy on a man you really don’t care about.

There is no magic number of dates where one should know. It usually starts more like a simmer than a roaring boil, so it may not feel the same way it did in your 20s. Or, occasionally it could be like my experience where we met and knew pretty darn quickly.

Until you feel it, he feels it, or you go your separate ways, it’s best if you  just live your life and let it be enough that you are both enjoying each other. Besides, isn’t it a relief to just “be” on a date without having to project in to the future, read between the lines and Monday morning quarterback?

This is a key component of dating like a grownup. This is what leads to loving like a grownup, which leads to....well, I think you get my drift. Anyway, it all has to start somewhere and that is at the beginning, which is discovery, self awareness and patience. And when he’s in to you, you’ll see… you won’t have to ask.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer

Dating Coach

The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!
 


 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
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