Answering The Million-Dollar Question: Is He In To You?

At least half of all the emails I get from wonderful women who are over 40 and looking for love are about the same question you’ve probably been asking since you were a teenager: “Is he in to me?”

Often the answer is: If you have to ask, he’s probably not.

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The other common answer is: No way to know…give him time. So many of us think about the “Is he in to me?” situation way too soon.  After the first date – especially if you were in to him – we’re wondering if he saw the same thing we did. You know…did he feel the Connection?

Most men are different than we are. (Big surprise, right?) They are pretty good staying in the information gathering stage until they see enough evidence that you might be The One. That doesn't mean they don’t make decisions soon – they do. But the decision may be that he likes you and wants to see you again. Then he can stop there.

What do we do? We decide we like him but then might start listing all the things that are so great about him and might make him a great boyfriend or husband. We replay the date in our heads. We second guess ourselves. Then we make the jump to trying to figure out what he thought and was going to do next.

Rumination is a female art. It’s kinda how our brains work. So when you start going down the rabbit hole, hold tight and try to stay in discovery mode. Keep gathering information. It may turn out you don’t even care if he’s in to you.

Here’s the good news: when he IS in to you, you will know it. This is especially true of men dating over 40. Real grownup men don’t play games. When they are in; they are in.

Here is how it looks when a man likes you:

1)   He keeps showing up.

He calls, texts, emails, and keeps asking you out. He is on time or he calls if he's a little late. All good signs! Remember though, he has a life. At the beginning, give him a little time between contacts if he needs it. But once he has you on his “maybe she’s a keeper” radar, you won't be able to get rid of him.

2) He tries to make you happy.

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He is thoughtful about your dates, planning something he thinks you will like. Or he is sure to ask you where you want to go. (When he does, thank him and suggest something you love that’s maybe out of the norm. Roller skating? Museum and lunch?) He is nice to your dog, he compliments you and lets you share his dessert. He makes sure are warm enough and your car is safe. These seem like small things but they aren't. They are big signs letting you know he cares about you. Pay attention to these and when you receive them graciously, watch his eyes light up.

3) He tries to impress you.