(This is especially true for we women over 40…okay…well over 40.) Reach for those when you need to. They are just below the surface and often – for some reason – we just don’t apply them to dating and our search for love.
3. Change it up.
If you’re reading this, what you’re currently doing probably isn’t working. As long as you stay the same and keep doing things the same way in your search for a grownup relationship with a good guy, you will remain in the same situation.
Some of us consider change as an admission that we have been wrong. I know that was part of my problem during my almost 30 unsuccessful years dating. So we resist it; who wants to be wrong?
Welp, the good and bad news is that this is all about you. You need to become the woman who attracts that guy who can’t resist you and can’t do enough to make you happy.
Embracing change, learning and growing is the only way you can make this happen. Forget wasting time with blame or self recrimination. Be excited about what’s coming next, and congratulate yourself for where you are today: ready to move forward and go after the happiness you want in your life.
If you’re resistant, start with some easy and fun changes. Start wearing lipstick every day. Buy a new bra. Click here to read my post “Do Something Different Today to Improve Your Search for Love for these and other simple ideas to help you ease in.
4. Perspective, perspective, perspective. Being rejected by a man or feeling like you’ve ruined an opportunity for connection with a (potentially) great guy can feel incredibly crappy. But I’m guessing that if you gave it serious thought you’d realize that it’s a minor obstacle compared to what you’ve risen above in your life.
When I do one-on-one personalized coaching with women, my first step is helping her Fall in Love With Herself. A part of that is listing all the things she’s achieved and overcome in her life.
Do this exercise. Take your list and compare it to the experience of a man you don’t even know saying “no” to you. You’ll realize that it’s really no dang big deal. Then you’ll say “next” and keep going. (Return to tip #2.)
5. Get to work…today.
A note I have in my office says “Have the courage to put one foot in front of the other and do something.” Sometimes it’s that “do something” part that’s the hardest.
If you’re stuck – whether you’re not dating at all or you’re repeating bad experiences – promise yourself that today you will take the first step toward getting that date, that man, that marriage…whatever your dream.
Buy a book*, ask a woman in a good relationship for her advice, make a list of all the nice men you’ve known in your life, call the guy who got away, sign up for a fun or interesting Meetup group, hire a dating coach, or plan a night out with a single friend. (But only friends who love and appreciate men!).
As for me, ladies, I’m off to get ready for my Free for All call tonight where I will have another opportunity to be reminded of why I stick to what I’m doing: because I love it and it helps women find love.
Gotta go. Be good to yourself.
* Here are just a few of my book recommendations:
Meeting Your Half Orange by Amy Spencer (For an upbeat and positive look at dating. My story is in here!)
The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again by Tina Tessina
If I’m So Wonderful Why Am I Still Single? By Susan Page
Making Sense of Men by Alison Armstrong
The Tao of Dating: The Smart Women’s Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible by Ali Binazir