Yesterday I wanted to quit. This is too hard. There are days things seem to be clicking and I’m finally getting it…marching boldly toward my goal. Then there are days like yesterday when I feel clueless…like a failure with no hope of success.
And I can’t help but take it personally. I know I shouldn’t. But this is one of my biggest challenges.
I see women all around me succeed brilliantly. I know deep down I can do it; I’ve been working at it and learning. But I feel like I’m missing something other women understand. Or maybe they have personal traits that I just don’t have.
I’m scared. Maybe I’ll never achieve my hugest, most burning wish in my life: to change the lives of tens of thousands of women by helping them find meaningful, wonderful, completely fulfilling and lasting love…as I have. (Which was my previous hugest wish that I checked off my list 5 years ago.)
When things get really bad like yesterday, I start thinking that my old life wasn’t so bad. Yes, there were many days I hated it and hated myself for not making the changes I know I needed to make. Yes, I constantly felt an emptiness; like there was something better in life for me.
But I tell myself: it wasn’t t-h-a-t bad. Maybe it’s time to give up and just settle with that life.
Then, I get an email from a woman who needs my help. Or a call from someone I’m coaching telling me she’s feeling hopeful and due to her newfound confidence and lightness, she is happily dating some nice men.
I talk to my coach, and she lifts me up and keeps me on track. (Yes! I have a coach too. She’s my biggest cheerleader and gives me invaluable direction and support.)
I start remembering how unhappy I was in my old life; that I promised myself I wouldn’t go back no matter how hard it got. What I’m doing is too important to me. It fills my heart and makes me feel like I matter. It adds something spectacular to my already great life. I’m proud of what I’ve done so far. I’m helping people.
So, I decide that I’m going to stick to it, even when it sucks.
And on I go to shift what I need to shift, and learn what I need to learn. I can do this. It’s worth it.
This is my story, but I’m guessing that if we replaced my goal with your goal of wanting the love of a good man in your life…it can be your story.
If, like me, you feel like giving up, or you’re lurking and haven’t even started…here are my 5 tips to help you stick to dating, even when it sucks.
1. Keep your eyes on the prize.
Whether your goal is to find everlasting love, or to simply enjoy dating and find a companion, keep focused and try to shut out all the other noise.
Be honest with yourself about what your life is like without it. Remind yourself that when you find him, your life will be filled with love, affection, security, good times and [you fill in the blank]. And that you can have fun along the way.
Here’s an extra little goody that is one of my favorite parts: you will have an enormous amount of self-pride for sticking to it and getting it.
2. Have fortitude and courage.
Not only do you want this and deserve it, you have the wherewithal to get it. Stick with it, accepting it can be hard at times.
We all experience rejection, confusion, self-doubt, and fears of all kinds when we actively pursue our dreams. Remember that you have a ton of life experience, attitudes and skills that have helped you deal courageously with all kinds of challenges in your life.